Alliteration bitch. Nothing grabs a reader's attention than repetitive consonant sounds at the beginning of each word. So now that I have your attention, whether it was because nothing new was on facebook, you just woke up from a nap, you already watched all of your recorded shows, or NOTHING NEW WAS ON FACEBOOK welcome to my much delayed blog post.
I haven't been able to blog for a while because of the hurricane of finals that came through Holy Cross. Even though I had to satisfy the needs of my viewers, I was unable to sufficiently write a blog post because I was wrapped up in work. So I'm back now after the holiday hubalub has settled.
The feeling you get once Christmas is over is similar to introducing your girlfriend/partner/boyfriend to your parents for the first time. It's an awkward foreign feeling for you. You know it is inevitable to happen, but you don't want it to. For instance the feeling only happens about once a year, and after it happens you just want to go down into your basement and not see anyone for a while.
Think about it, you've been in holiday mode after your parents put up the Christmas tree after Thanksgiving and every commercial on TV has been a shitty car commercial with weird people. Everywhere you went reminded of you of Christmas...even if you didn't celebrate Christmas. Everyday you wondered if your parents got you the Justin Bieber headphones you wanted, and when you were bored you made Christmas cookies. Now thats all over. You have 363 days until Christmas 2011. You always hate the days after Christmas because you have nothing to do. Now that you aren't doing anything, it's just awkward and you just want to go disappear in your basement and play Tony Hawk Pro Skater 3.
Similarly to the post-Christmas feeling is introducing a new girlfriend/partner/boyfriend to your parents for the first time. For example its a Friday night during your sophomore year, and you thought it would be a good time to watch Wedding Crashers (for your 4th time) with your new girlfriend. One problem, she has to meet your parents for the first time. Sure your mom has heard about her/him but now its becoming a reality. Walking her through the gauntlet that is your kitchen is awkward. Not only does your mom pelt her with dangerously casual small talk, but then she compliments her on her scarf (that we all know will be off in a matter of 40 minutes). Once your mom compliments your date on her clothes its over. Your girlfriend will now adore your mom more than you. Now that you're pissed at the world, all you want to do is disappear into your basement and watch dialogues between Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson.
So there is my proof Euclid. It turns out the awkward feeling you get after you are drained of all your Christmas spirit is comparable to having your parents meet your girlfriend for the first time. Who knew?
Hopefully I'll have another blog post out shortly now that I'm home and NOTHING NEW IS ON FACEBOOK. But for now enjoy this forgotten yet phenomenal song...
Monday, December 27, 2010
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Not in Million Years
Sorry for the brief hiatus people, not like many of you cared anything. But despite my "tough skin" and affinity for writing blogs with "witty" links, I'm back and going about as hard as clifford the big red dog in a case race...there will never be a link to depict that image.
Recently, I was poisoned with the song & dance formally known as "The Dougie." No don't worry I'm not in that much of a hole at Holy Cross where I didn't previously know about this rip-roaring rage that was sweeping across various Homecoming Dance playlists along with 17 year-old Facebook statuses, however I finally listened to the song in its entirety. Holy trix cereal (for lack of a better phrase). "Crank That" by Soulja Boy not only had a better dance, but was a better song, and that song was ridiculed by many. If someone wanted to "teach me how to dougie," I would simply have to refuse the invitation because it would just be a shot to my pride.
Other things myself, nor anyone I hope I'm ever associated with, never do...
Insest: Shit's gross dude. No one in this day in age wants to see that go on. Even Oedipus thought it was weird when him and his mom GOT IT ON. Just think if Maggie and her beloved Ferocious Beast ever did something like that, it just wouldn't be right. Another example...Louis and Ren Stevens. One of your favorite childhood shows would be ruined and you would be left questioning your entire childhood...talk about a tragedy.
Farting in Church: Unless you were Tucker Max, this guy, or Satan himself, there is no excuse for poisoning god's house with your methane. Even if you aren't relgious, it's just one of those moral things you don't do.
Attend a Clay Aiken Concert: Just not something I wouldn't want to be around....
Joining the Taliban: Uhh...yeah
Give a Press Conference for the Arizona Cardinals: Ok the NFC West is a joke of a conference, we know that. Football prowess is not something valued by certain teams, however one thing that no other organization can surmount is the press conferences given by members of the Cardinals over the years. Following an act like this that pleases an entire internet population is almost as hard as being Brett Favre.
Alright so I guess me and Julie Andrews collaborated and while she created "Her Favorite Things" that were seen in the Sound of Music, my wimpy "Not so Favorite Things" will light up the blog-world about as effectively as Christmas tree lights on a CITGO gas station.
Cream collored ponies, and crisp apple streudals...
Recently, I was poisoned with the song & dance formally known as "The Dougie." No don't worry I'm not in that much of a hole at Holy Cross where I didn't previously know about this rip-roaring rage that was sweeping across various Homecoming Dance playlists along with 17 year-old Facebook statuses, however I finally listened to the song in its entirety. Holy trix cereal (for lack of a better phrase). "Crank That" by Soulja Boy not only had a better dance, but was a better song, and that song was ridiculed by many. If someone wanted to "teach me how to dougie," I would simply have to refuse the invitation because it would just be a shot to my pride.
Other things myself, nor anyone I hope I'm ever associated with, never do...
Insest: Shit's gross dude. No one in this day in age wants to see that go on. Even Oedipus thought it was weird when him and his mom GOT IT ON. Just think if Maggie and her beloved Ferocious Beast ever did something like that, it just wouldn't be right. Another example...Louis and Ren Stevens. One of your favorite childhood shows would be ruined and you would be left questioning your entire childhood...talk about a tragedy.
Farting in Church: Unless you were Tucker Max, this guy, or Satan himself, there is no excuse for poisoning god's house with your methane. Even if you aren't relgious, it's just one of those moral things you don't do.
Attend a Clay Aiken Concert: Just not something I wouldn't want to be around....
Joining the Taliban: Uhh...yeah
Give a Press Conference for the Arizona Cardinals: Ok the NFC West is a joke of a conference, we know that. Football prowess is not something valued by certain teams, however one thing that no other organization can surmount is the press conferences given by members of the Cardinals over the years. Following an act like this that pleases an entire internet population is almost as hard as being Brett Favre.
Alright so I guess me and Julie Andrews collaborated and while she created "Her Favorite Things" that were seen in the Sound of Music, my wimpy "Not so Favorite Things" will light up the blog-world about as effectively as Christmas tree lights on a CITGO gas station.
Cream collored ponies, and crisp apple streudals...
Monday, November 8, 2010
The Awkward Turtle
Yes, the awkward turtle. We all know him and love him as the hand gesture that appears in awkward situations after moments that leave people speechless because of omnipresent uncomfortable moments.
Many ask how the "awkward turtle" saying came into the lexicon of millions of adolescent males and females. However, I have the answer.
Years ago when the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were forming their group that would one day take over Cartoon Network along with the mind's of avid Hot Topic tee-shirt shoppers, they contemplated the members of their group. Originally they had five turtles that made up the infamous group, however because of internal complications within the group, TMNT was left with 4 turtles.
The one turtle that experienced complications was named Arthur and he loved talking about uncomfortable things around other people. For instance he enjoyed talking about other teenage mutant ninja turtle's past relationships (specifically Donatello's) when their respective ex-girlfriends were in the room. After too many moments leaving the rest of the ninja turtles uncomfortably speechless, Arthur was kicked out and was forever called the awkward turtle...
So besides the moment when someone is talking about other's past relationships while their ex is in the room, here are a few other moments necessary for the infamous "awkward turtle" hands.
Walking in on Someone in a Single Person Bathroom: One of the worst feelings is not knowing if a public bathroom is a single or a multiple person bathroom. When faced with this moral dilemma you knock anyway, just to seem like a polite guy/gal. However, in a loud environment it is difficult to hear someone in the bathroom. So when in doubt, walk in...right? You could never be in a more awkward spot when you see a guy/gal in mid process in the bathroom with an confused look on their face.
Having Someone Else Catch you Looking at their Facebook Pictures: This only is awkward if you don't know that the certain someone is looking at your pics. Seeing yourself on someone else's computer from that infamous "Freeeeeakin Weeeeeeekend" album you never wanted to be a part of makes you feel a little exposed to the internet world to see.
Dancing After the Music Stops: Alright so put yourself in this situation guys...it's 7th grade and you just got invited to what is going to be the most bad-ass barmitzfah since this guy had his raging barmitzfah years ago. Once you get to the barmitzfah, you hear the catchy Usher music playing on the dancefloor. You and your buddies strut over to the dance floor and start dancing around awkwardly trying to impress the ladies. Soon the music hits you and you start going a little too crazy. Before you know it, you're alone on a silent dance floor and the center of attention for all the wrong reasons. Uncle Ernie and Auntie Sarah are taking polaroids left and right that will forever capture your awkwardness at your buddies barmitzfah. Just as the crowd was about to start chanting your name, the DJ cuts the music in the middle of your dance move and you are left standing thee alone. Mazel tov big guy.
So despite the other thousands of awkward moments that we can all think of, these are just a few that you will remembr next time you are ever in this type of situation. Next time you are thinking about throwing the "awakward turtle" hand gesture, remember and thank Arthur the Turtle for getting kicked out of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Try and make it through this music video...it will be worth it.
Many ask how the "awkward turtle" saying came into the lexicon of millions of adolescent males and females. However, I have the answer.
Years ago when the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were forming their group that would one day take over Cartoon Network along with the mind's of avid Hot Topic tee-shirt shoppers, they contemplated the members of their group. Originally they had five turtles that made up the infamous group, however because of internal complications within the group, TMNT was left with 4 turtles.
The one turtle that experienced complications was named Arthur and he loved talking about uncomfortable things around other people. For instance he enjoyed talking about other teenage mutant ninja turtle's past relationships (specifically Donatello's) when their respective ex-girlfriends were in the room. After too many moments leaving the rest of the ninja turtles uncomfortably speechless, Arthur was kicked out and was forever called the awkward turtle...
So besides the moment when someone is talking about other's past relationships while their ex is in the room, here are a few other moments necessary for the infamous "awkward turtle" hands.
Walking in on Someone in a Single Person Bathroom: One of the worst feelings is not knowing if a public bathroom is a single or a multiple person bathroom. When faced with this moral dilemma you knock anyway, just to seem like a polite guy/gal. However, in a loud environment it is difficult to hear someone in the bathroom. So when in doubt, walk in...right? You could never be in a more awkward spot when you see a guy/gal in mid process in the bathroom with an confused look on their face.
Having Someone Else Catch you Looking at their Facebook Pictures: This only is awkward if you don't know that the certain someone is looking at your pics. Seeing yourself on someone else's computer from that infamous "Freeeeeakin Weeeeeeekend" album you never wanted to be a part of makes you feel a little exposed to the internet world to see.
Dancing After the Music Stops: Alright so put yourself in this situation guys...it's 7th grade and you just got invited to what is going to be the most bad-ass barmitzfah since this guy had his raging barmitzfah years ago. Once you get to the barmitzfah, you hear the catchy Usher music playing on the dancefloor. You and your buddies strut over to the dance floor and start dancing around awkwardly trying to impress the ladies. Soon the music hits you and you start going a little too crazy. Before you know it, you're alone on a silent dance floor and the center of attention for all the wrong reasons. Uncle Ernie and Auntie Sarah are taking polaroids left and right that will forever capture your awkwardness at your buddies barmitzfah. Just as the crowd was about to start chanting your name, the DJ cuts the music in the middle of your dance move and you are left standing thee alone. Mazel tov big guy.
So despite the other thousands of awkward moments that we can all think of, these are just a few that you will remembr next time you are ever in this type of situation. Next time you are thinking about throwing the "awakward turtle" hand gesture, remember and thank Arthur the Turtle for getting kicked out of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Try and make it through this music video...it will be worth it.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Holy Residence Hall
College residence halls are usually a hit or miss thing. For instance, you could be boys with some tight football players that make you think you're an absolute boss cause you're one of the guys. Or you could live with a bunch of bio/pre-med geeks that spend their time playing Halo. Or you could live near a bunch of studs who feel like super mash brothers is the greatest thing since four lokos.
However despite your university, all residence halls posses all of these components. Whether they are athletes, geeks, or lacrosse bros, they all play a pivotal role in the success of your residence hall...notice how lax bros are not considered athletes (if you play lax and you're pissed at me for not considering you as an athlete because you're a "chill" lax bro...well you just proved my point).
I've touched on the "college" aspect of the new faces and people I've seen since attending Holy Cross, however it's hard to escape the hilarioustiy (coin that shit Webster) of some of the kids living merely feet away from me.
For example just last night as I went to take a shower, I noticed a noob puking. Shocker. He wasn't on his knees either, he was on his side puking while his limp feet dangled out from under the stall like those of a puppet (my poetry descriptive imagery is starting to pay off...). Soon the RA's came in and got scared so they called public safety. Long story short this kid was so drunk he claimed that he knew his rights and that he didnt have to come out of his personal puke laden stall and adhere to the directions of the cop. This was quite a sight for me while I brushed my teeth...
But back to the hilarioustiy about residence halls...alright they really arent that funny but if you can ever notice what people have going on around you, please do so. For instance...
The Posters: We know you love Entourage. You dont need a poster to prove you're different than any other guy. Believe me it wont be a turn on to a girl. The only person who would be seduced by an Entourage poster is another guy. Another common poster is that "College" poster from Animal House. The only thing more COLLEGE than that poster is the whiteboard outside your room with 3 penises drawn on it.
The Filth: Alright if my room ever resembled this, I'd never leave. However if my room was a messy and filthy as some of the rooms I've seen on campus, I wouldn't know how to live. Thank goodness I selected "tidy" as an option for my overall swagger when filling out my room assignment.
The Bathrooms: All of my younger fans reading the shrine that is my blog, appreciate the privacy in the bathrooms in your homestead because making the jump to a communal college bathroom is nothing but awkward. I never thought I'd be seeing girls in my bathroom after getting out of the shower...i guess that says alot about my self-confidence. Or, I never thought that I'd be sharing a sink with a 6'9'' basketball recruit.
For those reading this attending other various universities, just marvel at your surroundings next time you swipe yourself into your residence hall. However for now, marvel at this tasty jam (and the pathetic dialogue in the beginning)...
However despite your university, all residence halls posses all of these components. Whether they are athletes, geeks, or lacrosse bros, they all play a pivotal role in the success of your residence hall...notice how lax bros are not considered athletes (if you play lax and you're pissed at me for not considering you as an athlete because you're a "chill" lax bro...well you just proved my point).
I've touched on the "college" aspect of the new faces and people I've seen since attending Holy Cross, however it's hard to escape the hilarioustiy (coin that shit Webster) of some of the kids living merely feet away from me.
For example just last night as I went to take a shower, I noticed a noob puking. Shocker. He wasn't on his knees either, he was on his side puking while his limp feet dangled out from under the stall like those of a puppet (my poetry descriptive imagery is starting to pay off...). Soon the RA's came in and got scared so they called public safety. Long story short this kid was so drunk he claimed that he knew his rights and that he didnt have to come out of his personal puke laden stall and adhere to the directions of the cop. This was quite a sight for me while I brushed my teeth...
But back to the hilarioustiy about residence halls...alright they really arent that funny but if you can ever notice what people have going on around you, please do so. For instance...
The Posters: We know you love Entourage. You dont need a poster to prove you're different than any other guy. Believe me it wont be a turn on to a girl. The only person who would be seduced by an Entourage poster is another guy. Another common poster is that "College" poster from Animal House. The only thing more COLLEGE than that poster is the whiteboard outside your room with 3 penises drawn on it.
The Filth: Alright if my room ever resembled this, I'd never leave. However if my room was a messy and filthy as some of the rooms I've seen on campus, I wouldn't know how to live. Thank goodness I selected "tidy" as an option for my overall swagger when filling out my room assignment.
The Bathrooms: All of my younger fans reading the shrine that is my blog, appreciate the privacy in the bathrooms in your homestead because making the jump to a communal college bathroom is nothing but awkward. I never thought I'd be seeing girls in my bathroom after getting out of the shower...i guess that says alot about my self-confidence. Or, I never thought that I'd be sharing a sink with a 6'9'' basketball recruit.
For those reading this attending other various universities, just marvel at your surroundings next time you swipe yourself into your residence hall. However for now, marvel at this tasty jam (and the pathetic dialogue in the beginning)...
Thursday, September 30, 2010
University of Cliche
Sorry for the brief hiatus in my blog-posting...I'm sure all you took note of the fact that I only had one post in the month of September. So on the last day of the month, I knew I had to owe a jiving blog post to my fans ...
So after a month spent in college, I now know that many experiences we have revolve around the usage of cliches (please excuse the absence of the accent over the "e," not really worth the effort of finding, I hope my old French teacher forgives me...yes I took French for 7 years go ahead and judge me).
However, we're all guilty in using cliches in college. For instance, if you are meeting a friend of one of your friend's. You stick your hand out for a formal handshake in order to introduce youself to a girl (which are always weird and awkward) or an attempt to give "daps" with another guy. Immediately it's a race between both of you to say "It's nice to meet you" before the other one says it and looks like a doucher by echoing the other person.
It's nice to meet you
But is it really? In your head you could be thinkning, "Wow this girl's hands are grossly dry and skinny," or "Clearly this guy is drunk and just grabbed too much of my thumb with his hand while attempting to dap me up." So then is it nice to meet them?
No.
Of course not. Your first impression of them will always be his stupidity of grabbing your thumb like an old-school joy-stick, or you'll never want to hook up with this girl, no matter how good she looks in her default Facebook picture, or how big her ass looks in her roommates black dress that's really a size too small...but who is judging?
Another cliche we ALL use is the imfamous conversation starter.
"Yo what are you doin?"
"Chillen"
Chillen
What are you a Totino's Pizza Roll? Did you just get out of the toaster oven and need some time to cool off before you scald the roof of a mouth? What does chillen actually mean? Is it another way to say: "I'm not doing anything except looking at Facebook pictures of my old girlfriend/boyfriend. And I most definitely don't want to talk to you because you stole 6 shots out of my handle last week and then decided to leave my dorm room and go off and do something else with other people." Chillen is a more polite way of saying something like that, so we have decided to make it omnipresent in our lexicon.
Finally, the last cliche we all tend to use is when talking about college. For instance:
"Hey, OMG I haven't talked to you in so long, how's college?!?"
"It's good, I love it."
I love it
Yes, once again we've all said it, myself included. The act of loving college. How COLLEGE of a statement. Of course you love college. You are on your own and can do virtually whatever you want. The campus is your oyster as you experience it with your mac book laptop, 24-pack of Poland Springs water, a box of Cheez-Its, and a new bed comforter. What isn't to love? However, instead of explaining all the things you have enjoyed in college, you simply say "I love it."
That's all folks. Enjoy your weekend. I leave you with something we should never forget in our days of living...
So after a month spent in college, I now know that many experiences we have revolve around the usage of cliches (please excuse the absence of the accent over the "e," not really worth the effort of finding, I hope my old French teacher forgives me...yes I took French for 7 years go ahead and judge me).
However, we're all guilty in using cliches in college. For instance, if you are meeting a friend of one of your friend's. You stick your hand out for a formal handshake in order to introduce youself to a girl (which are always weird and awkward) or an attempt to give "daps" with another guy. Immediately it's a race between both of you to say "It's nice to meet you" before the other one says it and looks like a doucher by echoing the other person.
It's nice to meet you
But is it really? In your head you could be thinkning, "Wow this girl's hands are grossly dry and skinny," or "Clearly this guy is drunk and just grabbed too much of my thumb with his hand while attempting to dap me up." So then is it nice to meet them?
No.
Of course not. Your first impression of them will always be his stupidity of grabbing your thumb like an old-school joy-stick, or you'll never want to hook up with this girl, no matter how good she looks in her default Facebook picture, or how big her ass looks in her roommates black dress that's really a size too small...but who is judging?
Another cliche we ALL use is the imfamous conversation starter.
"Yo what are you doin?"
"Chillen"
Chillen
What are you a Totino's Pizza Roll? Did you just get out of the toaster oven and need some time to cool off before you scald the roof of a mouth? What does chillen actually mean? Is it another way to say: "I'm not doing anything except looking at Facebook pictures of my old girlfriend/boyfriend. And I most definitely don't want to talk to you because you stole 6 shots out of my handle last week and then decided to leave my dorm room and go off and do something else with other people." Chillen is a more polite way of saying something like that, so we have decided to make it omnipresent in our lexicon.
Finally, the last cliche we all tend to use is when talking about college. For instance:
"Hey, OMG I haven't talked to you in so long, how's college?!?"
"It's good, I love it."
I love it
Yes, once again we've all said it, myself included. The act of loving college. How COLLEGE of a statement. Of course you love college. You are on your own and can do virtually whatever you want. The campus is your oyster as you experience it with your mac book laptop, 24-pack of Poland Springs water, a box of Cheez-Its, and a new bed comforter. What isn't to love? However, instead of explaining all the things you have enjoyed in college, you simply say "I love it."
That's all folks. Enjoy your weekend. I leave you with something we should never forget in our days of living...
Sunday, September 12, 2010
I've so far survived my first 3 weeks while living at Holy Cross, And since then I've seen and experienced my fair share of COLLEGE experiences.
These COLLEGE experiences are situations that one would typically see on a college campus...
1. Being “that kid”: Everyone warns you not to be that kid when you go off to school. 83% of the time, this "kid" is the 5’10’’ 160 pound white-adolescent male who decides to treat tequila shots like dining hall chocolate milk. He obviously has never drank alcohol before and the closest thing he came to alcohol was when he watched high school health videos about how to drink responsibly. 3 hours later after giving "daps" to random RAs and other lacrosse players, he's on his side puking on a girl that he barely knows from his Calc class.
2. Bringing Average-Looking Girls/Guys Back to your Room: After the first few weeks of classes, you’re starting to get a little nervous and self conscious about yourself because you’re either not doing well in your psych 101 class and you have no clue why, or you haven’t scored any Mid-Atlantic tail. So, you decide to facebook IM a random freshman that you’ve never talked to before, and sure enough they are in the same "i hate myself" predicament as you. WHO KNEW?!? Within 3 days the average guy/girl is spending most of their time in your hall, and you’re constantly stuck looking at a 6.8.
3. Puking: I know I touched on this a bit before, and don’t worry I won’t stay on the idea for too much longer, HOWEVER, after 3 weeks of college, I feel it safe to say that college freshmen don’t give a hoot about what other people think about them. For instance, just the other night, 2 puddles of throw-up sat stagnant on my hallway linoleum floor. Obviously the culprit was a cotton-headed-ninny-muggins and thought that no one living one door across from his mess would care that the hallway would smell like puke for the next day. However the worst part about this situation is that there is a 89% chance that this kid fulfilled all 3 of the previous COLLEGE experiences. By "puking" he automatically became "that kid" and he was most definitely with an "average looking girl" earlier in the night and he wanted to impress her (for who knows what reason) by how many shots he could take.
4. Staring at the Janitors: True this one is a little cruel, but it is still college. If you, you're friend, Mario Lopez, or anyone else on your floor ever get the chance to stare at a janitor...do it. They wont disappoint.
5. Playing Rap Music Really Loud: Yup, we get it, you're on the football team, you love wearing beaters and talking to people from your high school on facebook. But most of all you want to let the whole hall know that you love Dr. Dre, but only the Dr. Dre songs that were made in the time period when he was with N.W.A.
I want to let all my readers know that I was never a part of these situations. I couldn't have been because I was too busy observing what really goes on in college outside of classes. Now of course I am not including all the little nuances that make college fun, but I thought I'd provide all of you with just a little "shot" of college....yes the pun was intended.
These COLLEGE experiences are situations that one would typically see on a college campus...
1. Being “that kid”: Everyone warns you not to be that kid when you go off to school. 83% of the time, this "kid" is the 5’10’’ 160 pound white-adolescent male who decides to treat tequila shots like dining hall chocolate milk. He obviously has never drank alcohol before and the closest thing he came to alcohol was when he watched high school health videos about how to drink responsibly. 3 hours later after giving "daps" to random RAs and other lacrosse players, he's on his side puking on a girl that he barely knows from his Calc class.
2. Bringing Average-Looking Girls/Guys Back to your Room: After the first few weeks of classes, you’re starting to get a little nervous and self conscious about yourself because you’re either not doing well in your psych 101 class and you have no clue why, or you haven’t scored any Mid-Atlantic tail. So, you decide to facebook IM a random freshman that you’ve never talked to before, and sure enough they are in the same "i hate myself" predicament as you. WHO KNEW?!? Within 3 days the average guy/girl is spending most of their time in your hall, and you’re constantly stuck looking at a 6.8.
3. Puking: I know I touched on this a bit before, and don’t worry I won’t stay on the idea for too much longer, HOWEVER, after 3 weeks of college, I feel it safe to say that college freshmen don’t give a hoot about what other people think about them. For instance, just the other night, 2 puddles of throw-up sat stagnant on my hallway linoleum floor. Obviously the culprit was a cotton-headed-ninny-muggins and thought that no one living one door across from his mess would care that the hallway would smell like puke for the next day. However the worst part about this situation is that there is a 89% chance that this kid fulfilled all 3 of the previous COLLEGE experiences. By "puking" he automatically became "that kid" and he was most definitely with an "average looking girl" earlier in the night and he wanted to impress her (for who knows what reason) by how many shots he could take.
4. Staring at the Janitors: True this one is a little cruel, but it is still college. If you, you're friend, Mario Lopez, or anyone else on your floor ever get the chance to stare at a janitor...do it. They wont disappoint.
5. Playing Rap Music Really Loud: Yup, we get it, you're on the football team, you love wearing beaters and talking to people from your high school on facebook. But most of all you want to let the whole hall know that you love Dr. Dre, but only the Dr. Dre songs that were made in the time period when he was with N.W.A.
I want to let all my readers know that I was never a part of these situations. I couldn't have been because I was too busy observing what really goes on in college outside of classes. Now of course I am not including all the little nuances that make college fun, but I thought I'd provide all of you with just a little "shot" of college....yes the pun was intended.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Lovers and Friends
An artist stares at a blank canvas for sometimes weeks at a time, a sophomore boy stares down his less than threatening first year social studies teacher for sometimes minutes, but me, I stare at a blank computer screen wondering what to write about for days.
Finally, I decided to write something and please all my true loyal fans. I now know my blog is now more popular than a D3 quarterback due to the blog's 2300 views. Lets keep this train moving people. Our next goal is to gain as much team-blog spirit as a below average college football team. WE CAN DO IT!
The only way to gain more popularity and camaraderie as a blog family is to write about things that everyone can relate to.
Dunkaroos: There was no greater feeling than un-zipping your LL Bean lunchbox and finding a fresh capsule filled with frosting (alliteration anyone), accompanied by wafer cookies shaped like kangaroos. Your entire lunch table immediately became envious of you the instant you raised them over your head in happiness. The best part about the treat was when you finished all the cookies and you had a crap ton of frosting left. Most losers would throw the frosting away, these losers still probably carry the same LL Bean lunchbox to high school lunch where they look forward on opening up their thermos to find a luke-warm cup of chicken and rice soup from dinner the night before. BUT ANYWAY, the best part about your Dunkaroos was plunging your finger deep into the capsule of unfinished frosting and licking the remaining sugary goodness off of your finger. But the fun kept on coming, the next best part was finding remaining sugar deposits stuck to the sides of your fingernails later during school and treating your index finger like it was a popsicle during the boring busy work math sheet about multiplication.
Cartoon Characters: I don't want to sound like a parent by saying that "My generation of cartoons was the best. The Road Runner, Bugs Bunny, Elmer Fud, and umm uh Donald Duck." That's it? That's the depth of your cartoons? Anyone who grew up in the 90s and early 2000s can say that they lived through the best cartoon period of all time. Otto Rocket, Doug Funny, Skeeter Valentine, Arnold, Helga Pataki, Tommy Pickles, Phil & Lil, Norbert and Dagget Beaver, and Catdog...they are last for a reason. But seriously I left out so many other cartoon characters...sorry Jimmy Neutron. Our cartoons were phenomenal. I blame the decline of great cartoons on one show: Dora the Explorer. Ever since then, television became politically correct...Thanks alot Bin Laden.
Pornography: Ah..nvm.
Orange Soda: Name one person who doesn't like Orange Soda. Maybe this guy, but other than that everyone loves Orange Soda. It's so good I guess it's a proper noun hense my inadvertant capitalization of the O and S. Some people have their own opinions about Coke vs. Pepsi, but whenever you can't come to a drink agreement with your friends over your Domino's Pizza, the common response is: "Fuck it, let's just get Orange Soda."
Shrek: Yeah I went there. Everyone has seen Shrek. Boy, girl, mother, father, or David DeJesus. And as much as it kills you to quote Shrek, you find yourself doing it once every 6 months. NOT THE GUMDROP BUTTONS.
Some Morree Summerrrr (I'm doing my best impression of a 15 year old girl's facebook album name). And no, I'm not talking about summer vacation, although summer vacation is awesome. I'm talking about the one and only Summer Sanders, whoops wrong Sanders. This is her. You all remember Summer from her appearances on Nick Gas. She was all about Slime Time Live. Ever since 2004 her career has gone down hill unfortunately, but there is a positive from her decline in television and that is the rise of Erin Andrews.
So there it is fans, the artist's canvas has been painted, the sophomore boy finally lost to his teacher and got a dentention slip and on his way to the office packed a lip of Grizzly Mint in the bathroom, BUT most of all my blog has been completed.
But as always, I leave you with a random music video. The one hit wonder herself...
Finally, I decided to write something and please all my true loyal fans. I now know my blog is now more popular than a D3 quarterback due to the blog's 2300 views. Lets keep this train moving people. Our next goal is to gain as much team-blog spirit as a below average college football team. WE CAN DO IT!
The only way to gain more popularity and camaraderie as a blog family is to write about things that everyone can relate to.
Dunkaroos: There was no greater feeling than un-zipping your LL Bean lunchbox and finding a fresh capsule filled with frosting (alliteration anyone), accompanied by wafer cookies shaped like kangaroos. Your entire lunch table immediately became envious of you the instant you raised them over your head in happiness. The best part about the treat was when you finished all the cookies and you had a crap ton of frosting left. Most losers would throw the frosting away, these losers still probably carry the same LL Bean lunchbox to high school lunch where they look forward on opening up their thermos to find a luke-warm cup of chicken and rice soup from dinner the night before. BUT ANYWAY, the best part about your Dunkaroos was plunging your finger deep into the capsule of unfinished frosting and licking the remaining sugary goodness off of your finger. But the fun kept on coming, the next best part was finding remaining sugar deposits stuck to the sides of your fingernails later during school and treating your index finger like it was a popsicle during the boring busy work math sheet about multiplication.
Cartoon Characters: I don't want to sound like a parent by saying that "My generation of cartoons was the best. The Road Runner, Bugs Bunny, Elmer Fud, and umm uh Donald Duck." That's it? That's the depth of your cartoons? Anyone who grew up in the 90s and early 2000s can say that they lived through the best cartoon period of all time. Otto Rocket, Doug Funny, Skeeter Valentine, Arnold, Helga Pataki, Tommy Pickles, Phil & Lil, Norbert and Dagget Beaver, and Catdog...they are last for a reason. But seriously I left out so many other cartoon characters...sorry Jimmy Neutron. Our cartoons were phenomenal. I blame the decline of great cartoons on one show: Dora the Explorer. Ever since then, television became politically correct...Thanks alot Bin Laden.
Pornography: Ah..nvm.
Orange Soda: Name one person who doesn't like Orange Soda. Maybe this guy, but other than that everyone loves Orange Soda. It's so good I guess it's a proper noun hense my inadvertant capitalization of the O and S. Some people have their own opinions about Coke vs. Pepsi, but whenever you can't come to a drink agreement with your friends over your Domino's Pizza, the common response is: "Fuck it, let's just get Orange Soda."
Shrek: Yeah I went there. Everyone has seen Shrek. Boy, girl, mother, father, or David DeJesus. And as much as it kills you to quote Shrek, you find yourself doing it once every 6 months. NOT THE GUMDROP BUTTONS.
Some Morree Summerrrr (I'm doing my best impression of a 15 year old girl's facebook album name). And no, I'm not talking about summer vacation, although summer vacation is awesome. I'm talking about the one and only Summer Sanders, whoops wrong Sanders. This is her. You all remember Summer from her appearances on Nick Gas. She was all about Slime Time Live. Ever since 2004 her career has gone down hill unfortunately, but there is a positive from her decline in television and that is the rise of Erin Andrews.
So there it is fans, the artist's canvas has been painted, the sophomore boy finally lost to his teacher and got a dentention slip and on his way to the office packed a lip of Grizzly Mint in the bathroom, BUT most of all my blog has been completed.
But as always, I leave you with a random music video. The one hit wonder herself...
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
I Like All Types of Music but...
Christian Rock?
No. The expected answer would be country. Many of you despise country music for whatever reason. Is it because you "don't want to hear some guy singing at a bar about why he lost his girlfriend or has no money?" Okay, even though this song pinpoints that situation exactly, not all country music is like that.
Country music tells a story. The lyrics of any country song would send Nicki Minaj to Pleasure Town by how true a story may seem.
Despite my 2,000 views (yippee!), I feel like I have the same 12 readers. And I love all 12 of you like that favorite Bic ball-point pen that you use in class everyday...yeah you know what I'm talking about. However, there are the constant slam pieces that check the shrine that is tedcullinane.blogspot.com, and tickle me pink if any of you girls have never listened to Taylor Swift. For this blog post we'll call her style of music "country"...itunes has my back on this as well.
So girls, tell me that a senior boy has never winked at you when you were a freshman and said "I haven't seen you around here," only then to lead you on and swipe away your V-card faster than you could say "did you at least pull out?"
And boys, you're trying to tell me that you've never said "I'm pretty good at drinking beer?" Yes, this song actually exists. Check it out its by Billy Currington. If you still think that country music doesn't tell a story about you, well first of all you're never going to get invited to a keg party, and secondly Kenny Chesney's new song "Boys of Fall" talks about what it's like to play on a high school football team. Yeah, I'm not making this up, he actually sings about what it is like being on a high school football team.
Now if you're still thinking, "Oh boy I really have him on this one. Ted will never pinpoint a song that describes a story in my life," well you're right because it's just not worth my effort at this point.
However, if you are starting to second guess country music and you want to give it a try during the summer, which in fact is the best time of year for country music, I will now list off a few country jingles that you might like. Don't worry this won't be like any music reviews found in any High School newspaper's "Entertainment" section, or a lame Robert Pattinson celebrity playlist found on itunes.
"Chicken Fried" (Zac Brown Band)- This song popped my country music cherry about a year and a half ago. It's catchy, and it makes you want to live in Georgia.
"I Love your Love the Most" (Eric Church)- Any Eric Church is phenomenal, this song epitomizes country music.
"Two Pink Lines" (Eric Church)- Yes, another great Eric Church song. Although I hope this song never described a story in your life, the lyrics are funny and you can actually understand them.
"Red Dirt Road" (Brooks and Dunn)- Try finding where your Red Dirt Road is. Maybe Goddard Park? Academy Field?
That's all I'll give you now. Believe me I worked hard on finding user friendly songs, so trust me and try them out. So now I leave you with the random blogpost music video...guess what genre it will fall under?
WRONG!! Not country.
Just Random.
No. The expected answer would be country. Many of you despise country music for whatever reason. Is it because you "don't want to hear some guy singing at a bar about why he lost his girlfriend or has no money?" Okay, even though this song pinpoints that situation exactly, not all country music is like that.
Country music tells a story. The lyrics of any country song would send Nicki Minaj to Pleasure Town by how true a story may seem.
Despite my 2,000 views (yippee!), I feel like I have the same 12 readers. And I love all 12 of you like that favorite Bic ball-point pen that you use in class everyday...yeah you know what I'm talking about. However, there are the constant slam pieces that check the shrine that is tedcullinane.blogspot.com, and tickle me pink if any of you girls have never listened to Taylor Swift. For this blog post we'll call her style of music "country"...itunes has my back on this as well.
So girls, tell me that a senior boy has never winked at you when you were a freshman and said "I haven't seen you around here," only then to lead you on and swipe away your V-card faster than you could say "did you at least pull out?"
And boys, you're trying to tell me that you've never said "I'm pretty good at drinking beer?" Yes, this song actually exists. Check it out its by Billy Currington. If you still think that country music doesn't tell a story about you, well first of all you're never going to get invited to a keg party, and secondly Kenny Chesney's new song "Boys of Fall" talks about what it's like to play on a high school football team. Yeah, I'm not making this up, he actually sings about what it is like being on a high school football team.
Now if you're still thinking, "Oh boy I really have him on this one. Ted will never pinpoint a song that describes a story in my life," well you're right because it's just not worth my effort at this point.
However, if you are starting to second guess country music and you want to give it a try during the summer, which in fact is the best time of year for country music, I will now list off a few country jingles that you might like. Don't worry this won't be like any music reviews found in any High School newspaper's "Entertainment" section, or a lame Robert Pattinson celebrity playlist found on itunes.
"Chicken Fried" (Zac Brown Band)- This song popped my country music cherry about a year and a half ago. It's catchy, and it makes you want to live in Georgia.
"I Love your Love the Most" (Eric Church)- Any Eric Church is phenomenal, this song epitomizes country music.
"Two Pink Lines" (Eric Church)- Yes, another great Eric Church song. Although I hope this song never described a story in your life, the lyrics are funny and you can actually understand them.
"Red Dirt Road" (Brooks and Dunn)- Try finding where your Red Dirt Road is. Maybe Goddard Park? Academy Field?
That's all I'll give you now. Believe me I worked hard on finding user friendly songs, so trust me and try them out. So now I leave you with the random blogpost music video...guess what genre it will fall under?
WRONG!! Not country.
Just Random.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Weady, Set, Summur Camp.
Monday through Friday I play with kids all day.
Woah, woah, woah!...... I also wear a green shirt.
This is my third year as a camp counselor, and I do it for the moms er, um I mean the kids.
These kids and their small hands push me to my edge every day. 91% of them are atrocious at sports, they sing 99 bottles on the wall (they average about 42 bottles every song so just put that into perspective) along with the chart-topping "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves," and finally they can't pronounce their r's. Yes, the infamous r's. Talking to a kid for six hours who thinks that r's are w's and the word "fwiend" and "wed sox playur sillyband" can get annoying faster than a nose bleed. Talking to these kids is like constantly shaking someone else's hand who has 4 fingers, however they treat their handshake like a normal 5 fingered one. It's one of those things that just gets on your nerves and you don't really know why....."Hi nice to meet you sir....woah where did your pinky go?"
The typical afternoon for me consists of forcing kids to finish their lunch and sit still, followed by a game that I probably thought was fun when I was 8, then I got too cool for it when I was 15, but now at 18, this game is the shit. It's called Irish Bocce, or kid bowling. The object of the game is to roll (DO NOT THROW OR KICK THE BALLS OR YOU WILL SIT ON THE SIDE FOR THE ENTIRE GAME...and watch me single handidly win the game for my team) yes, ROLL the balls to the other side of the gym and knock down the opposing team's plastic bowling pins that rest on the opposite baseline on the other side of the gym. You cannot cross the middle line (DO NOT CROSS THE MIDDLE LINE OR YOU WONT BE ABLE TO PLAY ANYMORE....ZACH! ARE YOU LISTENING? NO YOU'RE NOT. WHAT DID I JUST SAY).
Ready go.
The frenzy begins on the blow of a whistle and the kids sprint to the middle of the court diving for balls. I hang back because I know my chance will come. 5 minutes into the game: "Teddy, Teddy, thwow this one!" A camper says bringing me a soccer ball. Well if you insist...in seconds the ball is out of my hand zooming across the gym floor and knocking down one of the opposing team's pins. All in a days work...
Then later in the game, a camper will bring me a red jelly ball that looks like this, except AT LEAST 3 TIMES THE SIZE! I grab it with two hands and viciously roll it towards another pin.
Uh oh, shit, dammit, what the hell is this kids name, umm uh LOOK OUT! Too late.
The 7 year old meets giant big red ball and the big red ball won. The innocent 7 year old was merely running across the gym aimlessly, when the ball that I rolled basically snowballs this kid with it. Whoops. Then the water works come and I have to make the kid feel better instantly, so I sprint across the gym and spin the kid around on my shoulders 4 times so he'll instantly feel better and stop crying. Call me the doctur.
Then after Irish Bocce, we'll make some lame craft like decorating picture frames with dried macaroni. This was something I thought was lame at ages 8, 15, and 18.
Then finally when all the glue is washed off the kids faces and after they make their daily 4th trip to the bathroom (their bladders are the size of golf balls) the best part of the day comes around: sign-out.
You know its sign-out time when the minivans start coming down the road. After 4 weeks of doing sign-out I now know that the "m" in minivan stands for "milf," which is why I voluntarily choose to do sign-out every day. The mommy's stroll out of their minivans, sunglasses and all and start walking towards me. I swear it sometimes seems like this is in slow motion. Camp policy is that parents (or guardians to stay politically correct) provide counselors with an ID during sign out so we know we're no releasing the kids to someone else. Counselor policy (inspired by me) is to spit game with these mom's. I only have a couple seconds to do so. I have to think quickly.
"Yeah Hunter had a great time today, but I probably had more fun haha." Check
"Yup tomorrow is water day so make sure they have a bathing suit, towel, and a smile" Swing and a miss
"Morgan did awesome today, she helped win Irish Bocce for her team, then we celebrated with champagne." Strike 2
I'm always better than that because I usually have 20 chances to spit my game in the afternoon during sign-out and usually land 15 or so deliveries. Hopefully I'll be up to 100% by the conclusion of the summur.
This is my goal to perform with the kids by the end of the summer...
Woah, woah, woah!...... I also wear a green shirt.
This is my third year as a camp counselor, and I do it for the moms er, um I mean the kids.
These kids and their small hands push me to my edge every day. 91% of them are atrocious at sports, they sing 99 bottles on the wall (they average about 42 bottles every song so just put that into perspective) along with the chart-topping "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves," and finally they can't pronounce their r's. Yes, the infamous r's. Talking to a kid for six hours who thinks that r's are w's and the word "fwiend" and "wed sox playur sillyband" can get annoying faster than a nose bleed. Talking to these kids is like constantly shaking someone else's hand who has 4 fingers, however they treat their handshake like a normal 5 fingered one. It's one of those things that just gets on your nerves and you don't really know why....."Hi nice to meet you sir....woah where did your pinky go?"
The typical afternoon for me consists of forcing kids to finish their lunch and sit still, followed by a game that I probably thought was fun when I was 8, then I got too cool for it when I was 15, but now at 18, this game is the shit. It's called Irish Bocce, or kid bowling. The object of the game is to roll (DO NOT THROW OR KICK THE BALLS OR YOU WILL SIT ON THE SIDE FOR THE ENTIRE GAME...and watch me single handidly win the game for my team) yes, ROLL the balls to the other side of the gym and knock down the opposing team's plastic bowling pins that rest on the opposite baseline on the other side of the gym. You cannot cross the middle line (DO NOT CROSS THE MIDDLE LINE OR YOU WONT BE ABLE TO PLAY ANYMORE....ZACH! ARE YOU LISTENING? NO YOU'RE NOT. WHAT DID I JUST SAY).
Ready go.
The frenzy begins on the blow of a whistle and the kids sprint to the middle of the court diving for balls. I hang back because I know my chance will come. 5 minutes into the game: "Teddy, Teddy, thwow this one!" A camper says bringing me a soccer ball. Well if you insist...in seconds the ball is out of my hand zooming across the gym floor and knocking down one of the opposing team's pins. All in a days work...
Then later in the game, a camper will bring me a red jelly ball that looks like this, except AT LEAST 3 TIMES THE SIZE! I grab it with two hands and viciously roll it towards another pin.
Uh oh, shit, dammit, what the hell is this kids name, umm uh LOOK OUT! Too late.
The 7 year old meets giant big red ball and the big red ball won. The innocent 7 year old was merely running across the gym aimlessly, when the ball that I rolled basically snowballs this kid with it. Whoops. Then the water works come and I have to make the kid feel better instantly, so I sprint across the gym and spin the kid around on my shoulders 4 times so he'll instantly feel better and stop crying. Call me the doctur.
Then after Irish Bocce, we'll make some lame craft like decorating picture frames with dried macaroni. This was something I thought was lame at ages 8, 15, and 18.
Then finally when all the glue is washed off the kids faces and after they make their daily 4th trip to the bathroom (their bladders are the size of golf balls) the best part of the day comes around: sign-out.
You know its sign-out time when the minivans start coming down the road. After 4 weeks of doing sign-out I now know that the "m" in minivan stands for "milf," which is why I voluntarily choose to do sign-out every day. The mommy's stroll out of their minivans, sunglasses and all and start walking towards me. I swear it sometimes seems like this is in slow motion. Camp policy is that parents (or guardians to stay politically correct) provide counselors with an ID during sign out so we know we're no releasing the kids to someone else. Counselor policy (inspired by me) is to spit game with these mom's. I only have a couple seconds to do so. I have to think quickly.
"Yeah Hunter had a great time today, but I probably had more fun haha." Check
"Yup tomorrow is water day so make sure they have a bathing suit, towel, and a smile" Swing and a miss
"Morgan did awesome today, she helped win Irish Bocce for her team, then we celebrated with champagne." Strike 2
I'm always better than that because I usually have 20 chances to spit my game in the afternoon during sign-out and usually land 15 or so deliveries. Hopefully I'll be up to 100% by the conclusion of the summur.
This is my goal to perform with the kids by the end of the summer...
Friday, July 9, 2010
I Got My Swing Back
This summer I am a proud player on the Rhode Island Rebels baseball team. I love the group of guys that I play with. They're like brothers. However, 3/4 of them couldn't get past the first round of "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader." Mind you my team is made up of rising high school seniors and college freshmen. We'll see how many of them actually stop from their busy days to read this...
A wise man once said that you have to be dumb to play baseball... oh the irony
Although baseball is a thinking man's game you can't be successful playing it while thinking. This has been my downfall ever since I was picking flowers in right field when I was in 2nd grade. I'm told that I am too smart for the game sometimes (back door brag) and that hurts my performance on the field.
Unlike some of my teammates, I take myself myself out of the game by over thinking the game. So to make myself feel less bad about myself I'll spend pre-game saying the quadratic formula in their face, or call them by the names of famous scientists. I do this because I know I'll get a response like this: "Wha' tha fuck are you talkin' bout' Ted. Im done wit skool man, I coudn't even handle that shit during the year."
Little victories.
So recently I got out of my slump. I was struggling at the dish (believe it or not) and I needed to start hitting the ball again.
Did I go for the ever popular slump buster? Na
Roids? Na
Did I make a Kenny Powers "Actions Speak Louder Than Words" training video to boost my confidence? Na
Did I eat a bowl of Tony the Tiger Frosted Flakes like any Williamsport hero would? Na
I just dumbed myself out, dropped my hands and swung like I had a pair. 270 feet later I'm standing on third base with a smile that would tickle a puppy.
So no, I didn't get my pitch back by hitting Reg MacWorthy in the fuckin' eye, but I finally got my swing back.
Music Video of Choice Goes to:
In honor of a bad/good song.....
A wise man once said that you have to be dumb to play baseball... oh the irony
Although baseball is a thinking man's game you can't be successful playing it while thinking. This has been my downfall ever since I was picking flowers in right field when I was in 2nd grade. I'm told that I am too smart for the game sometimes (back door brag) and that hurts my performance on the field.
Unlike some of my teammates, I take myself myself out of the game by over thinking the game. So to make myself feel less bad about myself I'll spend pre-game saying the quadratic formula in their face, or call them by the names of famous scientists. I do this because I know I'll get a response like this: "Wha' tha fuck are you talkin' bout' Ted. Im done wit skool man, I coudn't even handle that shit during the year."
Little victories.
So recently I got out of my slump. I was struggling at the dish (believe it or not) and I needed to start hitting the ball again.
Did I go for the ever popular slump buster? Na
Roids? Na
Did I make a Kenny Powers "Actions Speak Louder Than Words" training video to boost my confidence? Na
Did I eat a bowl of Tony the Tiger Frosted Flakes like any Williamsport hero would? Na
I just dumbed myself out, dropped my hands and swung like I had a pair. 270 feet later I'm standing on third base with a smile that would tickle a puppy.
So no, I didn't get my pitch back by hitting Reg MacWorthy in the fuckin' eye, but I finally got my swing back.
Music Video of Choice Goes to:
In honor of a bad/good song.....
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Happy 234th Birthday
The United States is turning 234 this weekend. If Thomas Jefferson were to come back alive today, I don't know if he would be happy or not with what he created.
For instance, 15 year olds are controlling the music charts with songs sung about infants. The only men that wear stockings in the 21st century are gay ...sorry had to be done. The Declaration of Independence that they worked on for months and months was stolen by Nicholas Cage. And finally, Pittsburgh has a baseball team. What atrocities.
Our founding fathers spent countless hours fighting for our freedoms against ass hole British soldiers in the snow and rain and then created documents that would shape our countries framework for the rest of eternity all under a candle lit flame.
If Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, Ben Franklin, John Hancock, Kirby Puckett and other distinguished members who wrote our constitution came back today, I would love to go to the same beach where the Corona commercials are filmed and just kick back with them as they play paper football with limes and two bottles of Corona while swimsuit models walk in front of us. Just so I can say congratulations.
But what if these founding fathers magically transported to 2010? What would you want to see? What would be interesting conversations and situations with modern day Americans?
Since I already called dibs on the "Corona beach" idea here are some others...
Music Video with Paul Wall & George Washington:
We know Paul Wall raps about his diamond studded retainers otherwise known as "grillz," but instead of another cameo Snoop Dogg verse that would almost seem like hyperbole, wouldn't you love a verse by our nation's first president? After all, he did have wooden teeth. Getting another perspective on different orthodontic apparatuses in one rap song would be very entertaining.
Thomas Jefferson doing a "Just For Men" hair commercial:
Watching TJ do anything with electronics would be hysterical because the only entertainment he had back then was pushing a wheel around with a stick. Watching Jefferson, Keith Hernandez, and Walt Fraiser talk about how take the gray out of your hair (wig) would be hilarious. Jefferson would have to go to "Just for Men" rehab because he would use it so much to take the white hair out of his wig.
Ben Franklin in a "Airplanes" Video with B.o.B and Haley Williams:
So instead of "airplanes," Franklin would use his kite. Although this situation may require a little bit of historical knowledge about how Ben Franklin discovered electricity, the line "Can we pretend that keys & kites in the night sky are shooting stars? I could really use a wish right now," would be funny. But watching Franklin in a music video struggling with his kite and key in the middle of a midnight thunderstorm would be priceless. I can only imagine the camaraderie that him and Haley Williams would have.
So as we celebrate the accomplishments of our founding fathers this weekend by lighting shit on fire, think about what it would be like if they were right next to you pressuring you to strap a firecracker to your firecracker. Or light a room full of sparklers in your grandparents beach house. Or dress up like their boy Uncle Sam all just to scare little kids. Not only would it be extremely awkward to be peer pressured by John Hancock and other revolutionary notables, it would be patriotically awesome.
happy 4th...
For instance, 15 year olds are controlling the music charts with songs sung about infants. The only men that wear stockings in the 21st century are gay ...sorry had to be done. The Declaration of Independence that they worked on for months and months was stolen by Nicholas Cage. And finally, Pittsburgh has a baseball team. What atrocities.
Our founding fathers spent countless hours fighting for our freedoms against ass hole British soldiers in the snow and rain and then created documents that would shape our countries framework for the rest of eternity all under a candle lit flame.
If Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, Ben Franklin, John Hancock, Kirby Puckett and other distinguished members who wrote our constitution came back today, I would love to go to the same beach where the Corona commercials are filmed and just kick back with them as they play paper football with limes and two bottles of Corona while swimsuit models walk in front of us. Just so I can say congratulations.
But what if these founding fathers magically transported to 2010? What would you want to see? What would be interesting conversations and situations with modern day Americans?
Since I already called dibs on the "Corona beach" idea here are some others...
Music Video with Paul Wall & George Washington:
We know Paul Wall raps about his diamond studded retainers otherwise known as "grillz," but instead of another cameo Snoop Dogg verse that would almost seem like hyperbole, wouldn't you love a verse by our nation's first president? After all, he did have wooden teeth. Getting another perspective on different orthodontic apparatuses in one rap song would be very entertaining.
Thomas Jefferson doing a "Just For Men" hair commercial:
Watching TJ do anything with electronics would be hysterical because the only entertainment he had back then was pushing a wheel around with a stick. Watching Jefferson, Keith Hernandez, and Walt Fraiser talk about how take the gray out of your hair (wig) would be hilarious. Jefferson would have to go to "Just for Men" rehab because he would use it so much to take the white hair out of his wig.
Ben Franklin in a "Airplanes" Video with B.o.B and Haley Williams:
So instead of "airplanes," Franklin would use his kite. Although this situation may require a little bit of historical knowledge about how Ben Franklin discovered electricity, the line "Can we pretend that keys & kites in the night sky are shooting stars? I could really use a wish right now," would be funny. But watching Franklin in a music video struggling with his kite and key in the middle of a midnight thunderstorm would be priceless. I can only imagine the camaraderie that him and Haley Williams would have.
So as we celebrate the accomplishments of our founding fathers this weekend by lighting shit on fire, think about what it would be like if they were right next to you pressuring you to strap a firecracker to your firecracker. Or light a room full of sparklers in your grandparents beach house. Or dress up like their boy Uncle Sam all just to scare little kids. Not only would it be extremely awkward to be peer pressured by John Hancock and other revolutionary notables, it would be patriotically awesome.
happy 4th...
Friday, June 18, 2010
My Life is Starting Again
So today is the second greatest day of my year so far (besides any "day 3" with a substitute teacher filling in for my Calculus & Economics classes). Today is the debut of Toy Story 3.
The "Toy Story" series has been a focal point in the lives of myself along with many of older adolescents for these three reasons:
1.) Toy Story was the first and last movie good that Pixar made (sorry Bug's Life). Okay, The Incredibles was a solid movie too.
2.) You can drop the name Woody or Buzz at any 9 year old birthday party or open house keg party and people would know who you were referring to. (Too bad I'm not legally old enough to drink a couple beers and go watch Toy Story 3 with a solid buzz lightyear on).
3.) After watching Toy Story 1 & 2 you would quietly sneak into your basement or room to see if you could catch your toys talking and conversing with each other...and that NEVER got old.
The premise in this year's movie is that Andy is going to college and has to get rid of his toys. This brings up the question how old was he when Toy Story was made? (Andy's age in the original Toy Story, Arnold's Last name from "Hey Arnold!" and Nickelodeon's reasoning for taking "Doug" off the air are just a few of my habitual life long questions that I will always want to know).
The original movie came out in 1995. I was close to 4 at the time. Andy was at least past Kindergarten because Mr. Potato Head referred to Woody being Andy's favorite toy since Andy had been in Kindergarten during the first movie. So that would mean Andy had to be at least six for Kindergarten to be over when Mr. Potato Head said that. So now in 2010 when most kids who are going to college in the fall are 18 or 17, like myself, Andy is at least 20.
20?!
This kid had to have been held back one year AND spent a year as a post graduate in hopes of getting an athletic scholarship for him to be a 20 year old freshman. A 20 year old still holding onto his childhood collection of toys is a wee bit preposterous. But then again, none of us had Woody, Buzz and the gang as our toys...
So now my childhood is coming back to me with the releasing of Toy Story 3. If you have any heart, or any childhood left in you, spend the $10.50 and go see it, because trust me, it will be worth it.
The "Toy Story" series has been a focal point in the lives of myself along with many of older adolescents for these three reasons:
1.) Toy Story was the first and last movie good that Pixar made (sorry Bug's Life). Okay, The Incredibles was a solid movie too.
2.) You can drop the name Woody or Buzz at any 9 year old birthday party or open house keg party and people would know who you were referring to. (Too bad I'm not legally old enough to drink a couple beers and go watch Toy Story 3 with a solid buzz lightyear on).
3.) After watching Toy Story 1 & 2 you would quietly sneak into your basement or room to see if you could catch your toys talking and conversing with each other...and that NEVER got old.
The premise in this year's movie is that Andy is going to college and has to get rid of his toys. This brings up the question how old was he when Toy Story was made? (Andy's age in the original Toy Story, Arnold's Last name from "Hey Arnold!" and Nickelodeon's reasoning for taking "Doug" off the air are just a few of my habitual life long questions that I will always want to know).
The original movie came out in 1995. I was close to 4 at the time. Andy was at least past Kindergarten because Mr. Potato Head referred to Woody being Andy's favorite toy since Andy had been in Kindergarten during the first movie. So that would mean Andy had to be at least six for Kindergarten to be over when Mr. Potato Head said that. So now in 2010 when most kids who are going to college in the fall are 18 or 17, like myself, Andy is at least 20.
20?!
This kid had to have been held back one year AND spent a year as a post graduate in hopes of getting an athletic scholarship for him to be a 20 year old freshman. A 20 year old still holding onto his childhood collection of toys is a wee bit preposterous. But then again, none of us had Woody, Buzz and the gang as our toys...
So now my childhood is coming back to me with the releasing of Toy Story 3. If you have any heart, or any childhood left in you, spend the $10.50 and go see it, because trust me, it will be worth it.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Get the Zoo off Your Arm
You know those moments where you sit around with your friends and brainstorm a good idea that is going to make you an instant millionaire? Forget the college degree and maybe post-grad education. You want to make it BIG fast.
The solution...
Zanybandz...otherwise known as those stupid colored animal bracelets.
The guy who created this brilliant invention is now wearing Zanybandz shaped like Benjamin Franklin's face he is so rich. Producing these "bandz" cost as little as a chinese labor worker's toenail. These things will continue to be the rage this summer (other things that were a "rage" in past summers: beanie babies from MacDonalds, 'Who's Now?' contest on ESPN, green ketchup, and any song sung by a never before heard hip/hop singer).
Any guy who "hates" these Zanybandz is just jealous he didn't come up with the idea. He's upset because he didn't come up with the idea and lost his chance of having the love of all the nine year old girls buying his bracelets.
Here are some ideas for bandz that I would either want or want to see:
Blue Duck: "Well, I made the duck blue because I'd never seen a blue duck before and I wanted to see one." -Billy Madison... Not only would Billy Madison fans wear this quacktastic bracelet on their wrists, but this bracelet would present the open invitation to anyone to approach a random young kid wearing a blue duck bracelet and shake their head and yell CHERISH IT!
A Zanyband wristband: Okay, so those pictures of girls wearing 48 bandz on their arm is flat out disgusting. Instead, they should just get one band that looks like 48 different bandz put together to wear on their wrist. We'll call it the Josh Hamilton Zanyband
The Sal Fasano Mustache Zanyband: Although the design may be a little difficult to pull off, this would be best thing to look at when you were to remove it from your wrist.
If you have any other ideas for possible Zanybandz, leave a comment. If their good enough, you and I could create our own industry of Zany-er-bandz.
Now the summer rage music video courtesy of 2006:
The solution...
Zanybandz...otherwise known as those stupid colored animal bracelets.
The guy who created this brilliant invention is now wearing Zanybandz shaped like Benjamin Franklin's face he is so rich. Producing these "bandz" cost as little as a chinese labor worker's toenail. These things will continue to be the rage this summer (other things that were a "rage" in past summers: beanie babies from MacDonalds, 'Who's Now?' contest on ESPN, green ketchup, and any song sung by a never before heard hip/hop singer).
Any guy who "hates" these Zanybandz is just jealous he didn't come up with the idea. He's upset because he didn't come up with the idea and lost his chance of having the love of all the nine year old girls buying his bracelets.
Here are some ideas for bandz that I would either want or want to see:
Blue Duck: "Well, I made the duck blue because I'd never seen a blue duck before and I wanted to see one." -Billy Madison... Not only would Billy Madison fans wear this quacktastic bracelet on their wrists, but this bracelet would present the open invitation to anyone to approach a random young kid wearing a blue duck bracelet and shake their head and yell CHERISH IT!
A Zanyband wristband: Okay, so those pictures of girls wearing 48 bandz on their arm is flat out disgusting. Instead, they should just get one band that looks like 48 different bandz put together to wear on their wrist. We'll call it the Josh Hamilton Zanyband
The Sal Fasano Mustache Zanyband: Although the design may be a little difficult to pull off, this would be best thing to look at when you were to remove it from your wrist.
If you have any other ideas for possible Zanybandz, leave a comment. If their good enough, you and I could create our own industry of Zany-er-bandz.
Now the summer rage music video courtesy of 2006:
Thursday, May 20, 2010
That Movie Music
The only thing that I can think of right now that is better than a girl letting her boyfriend choose the movie they will be "watching" for the night is when a 65 year-old umpire throws a Little League Baseball coach out of the game after he made an atrocious call. Listening and watching the coach get his last word in about the umpire is always hilarious because the coach never makes sense because he hasn't had an altercation like this for twenty years and his lingo never flows...but hey, who doesn't love laughing at Little League coaches who take their job too seriously? Once the coach knows that he is going to get thrown out, he loses his internal verbal filter and anything goes. Although, now his son who is wearing layers of eye black, 6 multi colored wristbands (2 of which are on his ankles for some reason), and 12 different Phiten necklaces, will be repeating what he heard daddy say for the next week and a half, which is too inappropriate for me to post on my blog...we try to keep it fairly family friendly.
However, back to what I was saying about how one of the best things a teenaged guy can hear is "you can pick the movie tonight," from his girlfriend, chick, or "it's complicated" relationship. As a guy, you have to choose your movie carefully, because we all know what happens when a movie is "watched" on a couch with two people of the opposite sex. Immediately, as a guy, if you have any sense of humor what so ever you will want to watch either Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, Step Brothers, Dumb & Dumber, Talladega Nights, or Dodgeball. You love these movies because you always quote lines from it with your boys, and because they are all obviously hysterical.
But wait. Think before you act.
You NEVER want to start cracking up at Will Ferrell wanting to turn his bed into bunk beds while you are making out.
Your laughing instantly kills the moment and 9 times out of 10 the girl never thinks its even that funny. Instead of watching one of your "go-to line quoting" movies, you decide to "watch" Miracle, Remember the Titans, Coach Carter, or Glory Road. By "watching" one of these sports movies you put yourself in a phenomenal situation. CAUTION, avoid movies like Rocky (1,2,3,4,5), Hoosiers, and Rudy because these could have been movies your dad used to "watch" when he pulled this same maneuver thirty years ago. (Notice the watch is in quotes because all of my readers are cool enough to know what "watch" really means without me really saying what is going on).
Guys sports movies are the girl's movie equivalent to "chick flicks." so once the movie is popped in the girl will more than likely lose all interest (we try to avoid stereotypes at tedcullinane.blogspot.com) and attention will be turned to you. And you know that there won't be any time to laugh at a joke because it's a sports movie and no moments will be killed. Hopefully the movie will be white-noise while you "watch" it, until that music scene.
Anyone who has ever watched a sports movie knows what the music scene is. It usually comes in between the time frame of 45 minutes to 1 hour. During the music scene, the team trains. Various scenes of the team running up hills, laughing while leaving the locker room, accomplishing drills in practice that they couldn't succeed in earlier in the movie, and watching the coach write down x's and o's on a blackboard are played while triumphant, motivational music plays in the background. The music scene is your favorite scene in the movie and it makes you want to be good at the sport you're "watching." You tell yourself that tomorrow you're going to go on a run and then train, but usually you're telling yourself lies because that never happens. A sports movie wouldn't be complete if it didn't have that music scene where the team trained. It makes the movie.
So next time you're with your girl and she lets you choose the movie, think before your decision and choose the sports movie because you don't want to end up ruining the night by laughing at Adam Sandler take a pitching machine ball off the chest. Just remember, NEVER stop what you're doing and say I love this scene to your girlfriend, once the music starts. That would defeat the entire purpose.
I know I said avoid all Rocky movies, but these training scenes are the best.
We reached 1,000 views (there is a counter in the top right of the blog right under my twitter address). Thank you to all my supporters, you guys are the best. Let's keep the count going.
However, back to what I was saying about how one of the best things a teenaged guy can hear is "you can pick the movie tonight," from his girlfriend, chick, or "it's complicated" relationship. As a guy, you have to choose your movie carefully, because we all know what happens when a movie is "watched" on a couch with two people of the opposite sex. Immediately, as a guy, if you have any sense of humor what so ever you will want to watch either Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, Step Brothers, Dumb & Dumber, Talladega Nights, or Dodgeball. You love these movies because you always quote lines from it with your boys, and because they are all obviously hysterical.
But wait. Think before you act.
You NEVER want to start cracking up at Will Ferrell wanting to turn his bed into bunk beds while you are making out.
Your laughing instantly kills the moment and 9 times out of 10 the girl never thinks its even that funny. Instead of watching one of your "go-to line quoting" movies, you decide to "watch" Miracle, Remember the Titans, Coach Carter, or Glory Road. By "watching" one of these sports movies you put yourself in a phenomenal situation. CAUTION, avoid movies like Rocky (1,2,3,4,5), Hoosiers, and Rudy because these could have been movies your dad used to "watch" when he pulled this same maneuver thirty years ago. (Notice the watch is in quotes because all of my readers are cool enough to know what "watch" really means without me really saying what is going on).
Guys sports movies are the girl's movie equivalent to "chick flicks." so once the movie is popped in the girl will more than likely lose all interest (we try to avoid stereotypes at tedcullinane.blogspot.com) and attention will be turned to you. And you know that there won't be any time to laugh at a joke because it's a sports movie and no moments will be killed. Hopefully the movie will be white-noise while you "watch" it, until that music scene.
Anyone who has ever watched a sports movie knows what the music scene is. It usually comes in between the time frame of 45 minutes to 1 hour. During the music scene, the team trains. Various scenes of the team running up hills, laughing while leaving the locker room, accomplishing drills in practice that they couldn't succeed in earlier in the movie, and watching the coach write down x's and o's on a blackboard are played while triumphant, motivational music plays in the background. The music scene is your favorite scene in the movie and it makes you want to be good at the sport you're "watching." You tell yourself that tomorrow you're going to go on a run and then train, but usually you're telling yourself lies because that never happens. A sports movie wouldn't be complete if it didn't have that music scene where the team trained. It makes the movie.
So next time you're with your girl and she lets you choose the movie, think before your decision and choose the sports movie because you don't want to end up ruining the night by laughing at Adam Sandler take a pitching machine ball off the chest. Just remember, NEVER stop what you're doing and say I love this scene to your girlfriend, once the music starts. That would defeat the entire purpose.
I know I said avoid all Rocky movies, but these training scenes are the best.
We reached 1,000 views (there is a counter in the top right of the blog right under my twitter address). Thank you to all my supporters, you guys are the best. Let's keep the count going.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
The Haughty Parties
As graduation dawns upon college seniors, high school seniors, third grade Meadowbrook monarchs and all other graduates, we all exult at the thought of being thrown a graduation party.
However, now that us seniors globally will be experiencing one of our last parties together, I started thinking about all the other bad parties we all have been a part of since we were old enough to go to awful parties and collect shitty party favor bags containing obvious shitty items (i.e. any fun size candy, Tootsie Rolls, and stickers).
It was always bad going to the theme parties that you were invited to when you hated the theme of the party. Anyone remembers getting the invitation in the mail from your boy Patrick and then getting instantly stoked to attend his nine-year-old birthday party because you knew there were going to be a ton of chicks there that you wanted to play tag with. However, once you flipped the envelope over to open it you notice the shiny rocket ship sticker holding the envelope together. Shit. Then you open the envelope and there it is. Your nine year old instinct proves true...Come fly into space as Patrick turns 9. "Ugh I hate space. It's not even that cool. Why can't he have a Shrek theme, or a Jimmy Neutron (yeah I just went there) theme?" you think to yourself. But the worst part is what the invitation says. Obviously Patrick's mom thought she was cool by writing out the invitation. For instance when any invitation says "Where?" on it indicating the location, the typical parent would write the address. But Patrick's mom decides to write "Mars," thinking she's hilarious. At this point you question whether you want to even go to the party or not.
However the worst was when your mom wanted to throw you a party and she wanted to invite your whole class. Your mom thought it would be awkward inviting only a few kids in the class and she didn't want any of the other kids feeling left out (but we all know the real reason that mom invited everyone in the class, it was to cover her ass at school parent meetings so no parent of their uninvited kid gave her dirty looks). However she doesn't realize you hate a third of the kids in your class. Each grade school class was broken up into thirds. You're typically tight with a third of the kids in your class and would have those kids down as A-listers on the attendance list. Then there is a third of kids in the class who you are "school friends" with. You wouldn't hang out with them outside of school, but you know they'd let you copy their homework or you know they are down to chill at recess. Then, there is the other third of kids in the class that you would want no business setting foot in your house. You either despise these kids, or you are creeped out by them because they choose to lick peanut butter off of their ruler during lunch, or isolate themselves during recess and frolick around singing themesongs to themselves. You do not want any of these kids in your house at all. You beg and plead with your mom about how she cannot invite the entire class to your house. She denies your request and the following Monday you're forced to present the entire class with an invitation.
When the party comes, the first kid to show up at your house is, you guessed it, the kid who licks peanut butter off his ruler. However, he is holding something huge. "The kid came through," you think to yourself as you marvel at the size of his gift. Turns out, you end up being boys with this kid. He becomes wicked normal as you grow up together. You become best friends and forget you ever felt skeptical towards him but you always feel awkward when he eats peanut butter in front of you...
So congrats to all the graduates out there. Go nuts at your graduation parties, and remember all of the great, awful, average, or mortifying parties that came before your grad party...
Weekly bro, and party savant:
okay maybe not.
However, now that us seniors globally will be experiencing one of our last parties together, I started thinking about all the other bad parties we all have been a part of since we were old enough to go to awful parties and collect shitty party favor bags containing obvious shitty items (i.e. any fun size candy, Tootsie Rolls, and stickers).
It was always bad going to the theme parties that you were invited to when you hated the theme of the party. Anyone remembers getting the invitation in the mail from your boy Patrick and then getting instantly stoked to attend his nine-year-old birthday party because you knew there were going to be a ton of chicks there that you wanted to play tag with. However, once you flipped the envelope over to open it you notice the shiny rocket ship sticker holding the envelope together. Shit. Then you open the envelope and there it is. Your nine year old instinct proves true...Come fly into space as Patrick turns 9. "Ugh I hate space. It's not even that cool. Why can't he have a Shrek theme, or a Jimmy Neutron (yeah I just went there) theme?" you think to yourself. But the worst part is what the invitation says. Obviously Patrick's mom thought she was cool by writing out the invitation. For instance when any invitation says "Where?" on it indicating the location, the typical parent would write the address. But Patrick's mom decides to write "Mars," thinking she's hilarious. At this point you question whether you want to even go to the party or not.
However the worst was when your mom wanted to throw you a party and she wanted to invite your whole class. Your mom thought it would be awkward inviting only a few kids in the class and she didn't want any of the other kids feeling left out (but we all know the real reason that mom invited everyone in the class, it was to cover her ass at school parent meetings so no parent of their uninvited kid gave her dirty looks). However she doesn't realize you hate a third of the kids in your class. Each grade school class was broken up into thirds. You're typically tight with a third of the kids in your class and would have those kids down as A-listers on the attendance list. Then there is a third of kids in the class who you are "school friends" with. You wouldn't hang out with them outside of school, but you know they'd let you copy their homework or you know they are down to chill at recess. Then, there is the other third of kids in the class that you would want no business setting foot in your house. You either despise these kids, or you are creeped out by them because they choose to lick peanut butter off of their ruler during lunch, or isolate themselves during recess and frolick around singing themesongs to themselves. You do not want any of these kids in your house at all. You beg and plead with your mom about how she cannot invite the entire class to your house. She denies your request and the following Monday you're forced to present the entire class with an invitation.
When the party comes, the first kid to show up at your house is, you guessed it, the kid who licks peanut butter off his ruler. However, he is holding something huge. "The kid came through," you think to yourself as you marvel at the size of his gift. Turns out, you end up being boys with this kid. He becomes wicked normal as you grow up together. You become best friends and forget you ever felt skeptical towards him but you always feel awkward when he eats peanut butter in front of you...
So congrats to all the graduates out there. Go nuts at your graduation parties, and remember all of the great, awful, average, or mortifying parties that came before your grad party...
Weekly bro, and party savant:
okay maybe not.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
The Best and Worst Senior Project Judges
So as the dreaded Senior Project approaches us, myself and many of my classmates have been wondering what teachers will be judging our projects. However, instead of determining what teachers, faculty, and community members will be on my board, I thought of the best and worst possible Senior Project judges.
Best
William Shatner: The guy is always smiling. For instance in Miss Congeniality (go ahead secretly judge me for seeing Gracie Lou Freebush in an evening gown) during the last scene, the stage is exploding and Shatner is just standing on the stage half-singing "Ms. United States" smiling while set debris flys by his head.
The Cookie Monster: The dude can't talk, and just seeing him munch on cookies while you present your year's worth of work would just be entertaining.
Derek Zoolander: You know that during the question section he'd ask the most ridiculous(ly good looking) question about how the size of your product has to be at least...three times the size of what it actually is, and because of how stupid the question was, he'd make you look good.
Anyone in the Full House cast: Whether it's DJ, Uncle Joey, Danny, or Comet, you know that these characters always make sure things turn out alright in the end. I think as a judge, one of the Full House characters would make sure to pass me then give me a hug at the end of the presentation.
Your grandmother: Come on, what grandmother would fail their grandson or granddaughter? She'd probably bake you an apple pie and fill it with a $20 bill after she gave you a perfect score.
Worst
Homestar Runner: I don't know if any of you reading have experienced Homestar, but he is as annoying as five 8 year olds with ADHD who ALWAYS have to go to the bathroom. (check out homestar at www.homestarrunner.com)
Brian Williams orBarbara Walters: Arguably the top two journalists of their era, these two would know how to ask a follow-up question that you would have no idea how to answer. Plus their voices would just get on your nerves.
Interrupting Cow: First of all cows cant talk so then if they were on your panelMOOOOOOOOOOOOthey would be extremely distracting while presentingMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Simon Cowell: Even if you're not singing, Cowell would find a way to shut you up because it's a "singing competition, not a beauty contest."
A rash: Nothing is more irritating than an itchy rash that wont go away. A rash always gets in the way of everything and would completely disrupt the flow of your senior project presentations.
...That is all. Hope you enjoyed. Good luck to all seniors who present tomorrow.
Best
William Shatner: The guy is always smiling. For instance in Miss Congeniality (go ahead secretly judge me for seeing Gracie Lou Freebush in an evening gown) during the last scene, the stage is exploding and Shatner is just standing on the stage half-singing "Ms. United States" smiling while set debris flys by his head.
The Cookie Monster: The dude can't talk, and just seeing him munch on cookies while you present your year's worth of work would just be entertaining.
Derek Zoolander: You know that during the question section he'd ask the most ridiculous(ly good looking) question about how the size of your product has to be at least...three times the size of what it actually is, and because of how stupid the question was, he'd make you look good.
Anyone in the Full House cast: Whether it's DJ, Uncle Joey, Danny, or Comet, you know that these characters always make sure things turn out alright in the end. I think as a judge, one of the Full House characters would make sure to pass me then give me a hug at the end of the presentation.
Your grandmother: Come on, what grandmother would fail their grandson or granddaughter? She'd probably bake you an apple pie and fill it with a $20 bill after she gave you a perfect score.
Worst
Homestar Runner: I don't know if any of you reading have experienced Homestar, but he is as annoying as five 8 year olds with ADHD who ALWAYS have to go to the bathroom. (check out homestar at www.homestarrunner.com)
Brian Williams orBarbara Walters: Arguably the top two journalists of their era, these two would know how to ask a follow-up question that you would have no idea how to answer. Plus their voices would just get on your nerves.
Interrupting Cow: First of all cows cant talk so then if they were on your panelMOOOOOOOOOOOOthey would be extremely distracting while presentingMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Simon Cowell: Even if you're not singing, Cowell would find a way to shut you up because it's a "singing competition, not a beauty contest."
A rash: Nothing is more irritating than an itchy rash that wont go away. A rash always gets in the way of everything and would completely disrupt the flow of your senior project presentations.
...That is all. Hope you enjoyed. Good luck to all seniors who present tomorrow.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Didn't Discrimination End 50 Years Ago?
Okay, sure the title is a little forward, and maybe a little aggressive too. But it got your attention. However, fifty years ago African Americans were discriminated against by the "Whites" in the Jim Crow South. You don't need to be a history teacher to know the devastating things that happened to minority groups like the African Americans back then. But civil rights activists like Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and Malcolm-X advocated viciously for their freedom by helping pass the Civil Rights Act of 1964 that banned the discrimination in public places, provided for the integration of schools and other public facilities. This act was primarily geared towards protecting the rights of millions of African Americans, however all minority racial groups benefited from the Act.
However nowadays, it's no longer the racial groups being discriminated against.
Everyday, teenagers and adolescents are thought of as inferiors. Parents, or elders everywhere think that teenagers are always immature, rude, and obnoxious especially when teenagers are driving. Parents will automatically think that the teenager is an awful or incapable driver because of our age. Here is some "lingo" that parents say when referring to any teenaged driver...
Punk: (n) a teenaged male driver who listens to "what they call" music loudly, drive fifteen minutes over the speed limit, and holds the steering wheel with one hand, while still maintaining the "tough-guy" look while they drive.
Bimbo: (n) a teenaged female driver who wears large sunglasses that make her look like a bug, sings the lyrics to her "favv" song of the week while going through the crowded intersection without using her turning signal, and having obnoxious bumper stickers that are distracting for other drivers.
Also, parents think that teenagers in cars make the world an awful place. Every time I drive by someone who is doing yardwork, getting their mail, or walking their dog I waive and give them a smile because I want to prove that us teenagers aren't incoherent individuals.
However, I get the opposite reaction once I waive. The elder I waived to instantly gets that grimace on their face. Their face scrunches up in an angry fashion and they take both their hands and "raise the roof in the opposite direction." Instead of pumping both their hands to the sky, like the famous instant party-starter that we know and love, they pump both their hands to the ground indicating for me to slow down.
So teenagers who read this, don't worry what these adults think of you. Keep listening to your average pop music with the windows down. Let the world know you listen to Ke$ha, embrace it. But don't let it get out of hand. We should get the respect we deserve by earning it. Just be thankful we don't drive like this...
However nowadays, it's no longer the racial groups being discriminated against.
Everyday, teenagers and adolescents are thought of as inferiors. Parents, or elders everywhere think that teenagers are always immature, rude, and obnoxious especially when teenagers are driving. Parents will automatically think that the teenager is an awful or incapable driver because of our age. Here is some "lingo" that parents say when referring to any teenaged driver...
Punk: (n) a teenaged male driver who listens to "what they call" music loudly, drive fifteen minutes over the speed limit, and holds the steering wheel with one hand, while still maintaining the "tough-guy" look while they drive.
Bimbo: (n) a teenaged female driver who wears large sunglasses that make her look like a bug, sings the lyrics to her "favv" song of the week while going through the crowded intersection without using her turning signal, and having obnoxious bumper stickers that are distracting for other drivers.
Also, parents think that teenagers in cars make the world an awful place. Every time I drive by someone who is doing yardwork, getting their mail, or walking their dog I waive and give them a smile because I want to prove that us teenagers aren't incoherent individuals.
However, I get the opposite reaction once I waive. The elder I waived to instantly gets that grimace on their face. Their face scrunches up in an angry fashion and they take both their hands and "raise the roof in the opposite direction." Instead of pumping both their hands to the sky, like the famous instant party-starter that we know and love, they pump both their hands to the ground indicating for me to slow down.
So teenagers who read this, don't worry what these adults think of you. Keep listening to your average pop music with the windows down. Let the world know you listen to Ke$ha, embrace it. But don't let it get out of hand. We should get the respect we deserve by earning it. Just be thankful we don't drive like this...
Sunday, March 28, 2010
The Pablo Sanchez of East Greenwich
As the weather starts to become normal again, and Axel the Avenger comes out of hibernation, more and more kids are starting to go back outside to "play." Whether you call it "play," "chill," "lamp," "bro-out," or "frolick," you can't deny that you are sick of your 51-kill streak on COD and now you want to go outside and drive around in various fast food parking lots. Or maybe you want to go outside and be a part of pick-up-sports.
Pick-up-sports are not like organized team sports that are comprised at the high school level. There are no fixed teams in pick-up-sports. However, pick-up sports-are just as competitive.
You weren't a true kid unless you played some sort of Backyard Sports game as a kid. Backyard Baseball was the pinnacle of these games. Sure backyard soccer, football, and basketball made their respective runs, but baseball was the greatest. Who didn't love the adrenaline rush when you struck out the kid version of Alex Rodriguez on a fireball while you played with Keisha Phillips? However, the backyard sports Heisman, All-American, or Gatorade Player of the Year was Pablo Sanchez. Pablo was good at everything he touched, despite not being able to speak a word of English. I guess this was Backyard Sports' way of showing that you could succeed in America without being literate in the English language...so we'll therefore blame Backyard Sports for America's immigrant problem.
But in East Greenwich, it takes a certain skill to be good at a backyard sport. Whether the game is miniball, wiffle ball, "pool wiffle," four-square, or frisbee the "jocks" aren't always the best at these games. You need to be a wily veteran to be successful. Eight years of saturday afternoons spent on a friends driveway or backyard deems you a wily veteran. Who cares if you spent eight years playing organized baseball, basketball, soccer, hockey, or football that doesn't make you the "Pablo Sanchez" of East Greenwich.
So as the grass greens, and everyone starts to come out of their house, keep your eye out for the true Pablo Sanchez of East Greenwich backyard sports. He could be a 3'4'' pot-bellied hispanic kid, or the kid you never expected to be good at sports.
Pick-up-sports are not like organized team sports that are comprised at the high school level. There are no fixed teams in pick-up-sports. However, pick-up sports-are just as competitive.
You weren't a true kid unless you played some sort of Backyard Sports game as a kid. Backyard Baseball was the pinnacle of these games. Sure backyard soccer, football, and basketball made their respective runs, but baseball was the greatest. Who didn't love the adrenaline rush when you struck out the kid version of Alex Rodriguez on a fireball while you played with Keisha Phillips? However, the backyard sports Heisman, All-American, or Gatorade Player of the Year was Pablo Sanchez. Pablo was good at everything he touched, despite not being able to speak a word of English. I guess this was Backyard Sports' way of showing that you could succeed in America without being literate in the English language...so we'll therefore blame Backyard Sports for America's immigrant problem.
But in East Greenwich, it takes a certain skill to be good at a backyard sport. Whether the game is miniball, wiffle ball, "pool wiffle," four-square, or frisbee the "jocks" aren't always the best at these games. You need to be a wily veteran to be successful. Eight years of saturday afternoons spent on a friends driveway or backyard deems you a wily veteran. Who cares if you spent eight years playing organized baseball, basketball, soccer, hockey, or football that doesn't make you the "Pablo Sanchez" of East Greenwich.
So as the grass greens, and everyone starts to come out of their house, keep your eye out for the true Pablo Sanchez of East Greenwich backyard sports. He could be a 3'4'' pot-bellied hispanic kid, or the kid you never expected to be good at sports.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Waving the Bubble Wand
Did you blow bubbles when you were a kid?
You did?
Well he's asking for you, he's back in town.....
A dozen Division 1 basketball teams are sitting on pins and needles this weekend hoping that their school makes the “big dance.” These "bubble teams" can only hope that their season pays off Sunday when/if they are chosen for the 2010 Men’s Basketball NCAA Tournament.
Joe Lunardi, the ESPN’s “Bracketologist” has been deciphering which teams he thinks deserves to be chosen for this year’s NCAA tournament. He has been going through these “bubble” team’s strength of schedules, good wins, bad losses, and RPI for the past 3 months predicting who are the “Last 4 In” and the “Last 4 Out.”
So for all of the AVID FOLLOWERS OF THIS BLOG, or the teams that are sitting in their locker room tomorrow hoping that their bubble doesn't burst, I will assume Joe Lunardi’s job and give you my bubble teams...rather “situations” for Ted Cullinane’s own “2010 Life Tournament.”
Don't ask what RPI is. No body knows what it really does.
My “Last 4 In”
...otherwise known as the things, in your life that you want out of your life, however you know deep down you need them.
Asparagus
RPI: Vegetable
Good Wins: Fantastic broiled with olive oil, salt, & pepper. Great side dish.
Bad Losses: Makes your pee smell. Name is wierd
White Tube Socks
RPI: Cotton
Good Wins: Feel fantastic on the feet when they get out of the dryer, Socks give you dry feet which eliminate blisters
Bad Losses: They make you look like you're from the 1970s
Soccer Moms
RPI: "You will eat organic food before your game this afternoon, Doritos won't get you a scholarship."
Good Wins: Will make Pizza Rolls whenever son's guests want, Love the extra space in the Minivan, Weekend Under Armour + Sports bra combo
Bad Losses: Mom, enough with the orange slices.
Rain
RPI: Precipitation
Good Wins: Makes great Hilary Duff music videos
Bad Losses: Floods basements
My "Last 4 Out"
...otherwise known as the things in life that had a good run, but really what's the point now?
Mustaches
RPI: Pedafile
Good Wins: Rollie Fingers, Saves left over food (the Flavor Saver)
Bad Losses: Prickly on the lips, Hi I'm Ted Flanders!
Olives
RPI: PITiful..haha
Good Wins: None. There is nothing good about an olive.
Bad Losses: What is it? Is it a vegetable?
Non Hi-Def TVs
RPI: Prehistoric
Good Wins: Will sell in ten years as antiques.
Bad Losses: By now, technology has produced the 3D TV, your non HD is as old as Mrs. Finster.
Wearing Sleeveless Shirts over the age of 35
RPI: GLORY DAYS
Good Wins: Good conversation starter for single guys/ladies at the gym. Good conversation starter for others to laugh at you.
Bad Losses: It's called the back nine of your career for a reason. Your tricep just looks like a one-sep.
That Hilary Duff Video...
You did?
Well he's asking for you, he's back in town.....
A dozen Division 1 basketball teams are sitting on pins and needles this weekend hoping that their school makes the “big dance.” These "bubble teams" can only hope that their season pays off Sunday when/if they are chosen for the 2010 Men’s Basketball NCAA Tournament.
Joe Lunardi, the ESPN’s “Bracketologist” has been deciphering which teams he thinks deserves to be chosen for this year’s NCAA tournament. He has been going through these “bubble” team’s strength of schedules, good wins, bad losses, and RPI for the past 3 months predicting who are the “Last 4 In” and the “Last 4 Out.”
So for all of the AVID FOLLOWERS OF THIS BLOG, or the teams that are sitting in their locker room tomorrow hoping that their bubble doesn't burst, I will assume Joe Lunardi’s job and give you my bubble teams...rather “situations” for Ted Cullinane’s own “2010 Life Tournament.”
Don't ask what RPI is. No body knows what it really does.
My “Last 4 In”
...otherwise known as the things, in your life that you want out of your life, however you know deep down you need them.
Asparagus
RPI: Vegetable
Good Wins: Fantastic broiled with olive oil, salt, & pepper. Great side dish.
Bad Losses: Makes your pee smell. Name is wierd
White Tube Socks
RPI: Cotton
Good Wins: Feel fantastic on the feet when they get out of the dryer, Socks give you dry feet which eliminate blisters
Bad Losses: They make you look like you're from the 1970s
Soccer Moms
RPI: "You will eat organic food before your game this afternoon, Doritos won't get you a scholarship."
Good Wins: Will make Pizza Rolls whenever son's guests want, Love the extra space in the Minivan, Weekend Under Armour + Sports bra combo
Bad Losses: Mom, enough with the orange slices.
Rain
RPI: Precipitation
Good Wins: Makes great Hilary Duff music videos
Bad Losses: Floods basements
My "Last 4 Out"
...otherwise known as the things in life that had a good run, but really what's the point now?
Mustaches
RPI: Pedafile
Good Wins: Rollie Fingers, Saves left over food (the Flavor Saver)
Bad Losses: Prickly on the lips, Hi I'm Ted Flanders!
Olives
RPI: PITiful..haha
Good Wins: None. There is nothing good about an olive.
Bad Losses: What is it? Is it a vegetable?
Non Hi-Def TVs
RPI: Prehistoric
Good Wins: Will sell in ten years as antiques.
Bad Losses: By now, technology has produced the 3D TV, your non HD is as old as Mrs. Finster.
Wearing Sleeveless Shirts over the age of 35
RPI: GLORY DAYS
Good Wins: Good conversation starter for single guys/ladies at the gym. Good conversation starter for others to laugh at you.
Bad Losses: It's called the back nine of your career for a reason. Your tricep just looks like a one-sep.
That Hilary Duff Video...
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
WAIT! don't go yet.
Recently, in my Mass Communications and the Media class, (mass comm for all you high school class-loving-acronym users) I read two articles regarding the short attention spans of readers these days. But it's true! The article was not another tiresome, tedious, treacherous (whatup alliteration) "busy-work assignment" given by the teacher. Many of you have already stopped reading this because one of these thoughts are going through your mind:
A: FACEBOOK MESSAGE
B: TEXT
C: These bloggers need to get off their soapboxes
D: Time to switch the song...
E: ANOTHER TEXT!
F: Both B & E
Now, for those of you who endured those perpetual, DIFFICULT outside distractions, I tell you that reader's attention spans are diminishing. Less and less students can actually they have read a book cover to cover in school. What's a book?
Everyone receives all their necessary information through Facebook or Twitter. No one will read long online passages that are filled with drone scholarly information.
However you can't blame the short attention spans ENTIRELY on the youth....hey look a butterfly...
But in all seriousness, the media is the one controlling us. We are forced to conform to quick internet banter on sites like facebook, twitter, myspace (PEDAFILES UNITE!), or other public online chatrooms (chatroulette.com). Only the brave souls dare to venture into long deep articles pertaining to the meaning of life, healthcare issues, the middle east, EGHS football coach controversy and then actually complete the article where the reader is able to form an opinion.
So congratulations to all of you who have made it through this article. Consider yourselves one of the smarterer readers and thinkerers on the streets. Keep up your good work.
A: FACEBOOK MESSAGE
B: TEXT
C: These bloggers need to get off their soapboxes
D: Time to switch the song...
E: ANOTHER TEXT!
F: Both B & E
Now, for those of you who endured those perpetual, DIFFICULT outside distractions, I tell you that reader's attention spans are diminishing. Less and less students can actually they have read a book cover to cover in school. What's a book?
Everyone receives all their necessary information through Facebook or Twitter. No one will read long online passages that are filled with drone scholarly information.
However you can't blame the short attention spans ENTIRELY on the youth....hey look a butterfly...
But in all seriousness, the media is the one controlling us. We are forced to conform to quick internet banter on sites like facebook, twitter, myspace (PEDAFILES UNITE!), or other public online chatrooms (chatroulette.com). Only the brave souls dare to venture into long deep articles pertaining to the meaning of life, healthcare issues, the middle east, EGHS football coach controversy and then actually complete the article where the reader is able to form an opinion.
So congratulations to all of you who have made it through this article. Consider yourselves one of the smarterer readers and thinkerers on the streets. Keep up your good work.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
EGHS’s Onion: What is living in our Courtyard?
For decades now, Axel the Avenger has been lurking in East Greenwich High School’s courtyard. Did you know that this “hot mess” of a creature has been reading over your shoulder in the library? Did you know that Axel is the first in the class to raise his hand to answer a question asked by Señor Mack? Or did you know that he sits front row during every Ivy Day ceremony with a cap and gown on, even though he isn’t graduating?
The history of Axel started fifty years ago, during a chemistry lab, two students, whose names will be kept confidential for security purposes, mixed too much Sodium Chloride with Magnesium Sulfate. They heated the substances together and left the precipitate in the Petri dish over night. However, the students didn’t realize that they wouldn’t be returning to school for another week because school was closed for winter break. The substance was able to grow for a whole week since the Petri dish wasn’t cleaned after the experiment. When the students returned to school after the New Year, their petite precipitate in the Petri dish was now a gigantic ghoul of a creature that disappeared from the Chemistry room and slithered itself into the courtyard.
Axel strictly lives within the confines of the courtyard. He is not allowed to leave the brick walls of EGHS because he is thought to be a detriment to society. In 1989, Axel escaped from the courtyard just before last period started. He trudged his way up Avenger Drive and down Middle Road towards EG Deli. Instantly, all East Greenwich public schools shut down. Students were confined within the walls of their school and parents were urged to not leave their homes. State officials were brought in to capture Axel and put him back in the courtyard. Axel was threatened to be “put down” for safety reasons if he escaped again. However, evidence showed that Axel’s only motivation for leaving the courtyard was that he was looking for a high-five from the cashier at EG Deli.
Despite Axel’s ugly exterior, he is a genuine creature with a heart of gold. In 2003, Axel was patrolling the courtyard, bored one afternoon. Sources say that the “beloved chemical reaction” was tanning one spring afternoon when he heard a scream from the top of building. Construction workers were on top of the building fixing one of the many leaks in the roof when one of the workers slipped and was dangling over the side of the building. Acting quickly, Axel scaled the side of the building and rescued the worker from falling. The befuddled worker asked Axel if Axel was a super hero. Axel simply responded with: “Oopty Loopty Blimey Ketchup.”
Axel has been hibernating all winter and is set to wake from his deep sleep towards the end of March. There is an old East Greenwich tale stating that if Axel sees his shadow when waking up from hibernation, then each spring sports team will have a winning season.
So as you have almost completed reading this article, many of you may be wondering: “How come I haven’t seen Axel?” or “What does he look like?” or “What is going on in this article?” Well I can answer two of those questions for you. Have you ever noticed the gooey-brown substance on the ceilings? That’s Axel. These gooey-brown findings are predominantly spotted in the ceiling of room 211, or in the art wing hallway ceilings. Those are just some of his remnants that have collected within the school over the past 50 years.
As we prepare for another spring at EGHS, make sure to look out for Axel. He has been a part of East Greenwich High School history for fifty years and is a figure head within the town. If you see him in the courtyard during a photo class make sure to give him a hug and a hand pound. If you’re ever writing poetry on one of the courtyard benches, he’ll come and join you if you have a Double-Stuffed Oreo cookie for him. Unfortunately his waking will not be televised so students and faculty will be notified through word of mouth if he saw his shadow or not. So as the second semester continues and the trees begin to bloom, keep your eye out for Axel the Avenger, East Greenwich High School’s fifty-year old mascot.
The history of Axel started fifty years ago, during a chemistry lab, two students, whose names will be kept confidential for security purposes, mixed too much Sodium Chloride with Magnesium Sulfate. They heated the substances together and left the precipitate in the Petri dish over night. However, the students didn’t realize that they wouldn’t be returning to school for another week because school was closed for winter break. The substance was able to grow for a whole week since the Petri dish wasn’t cleaned after the experiment. When the students returned to school after the New Year, their petite precipitate in the Petri dish was now a gigantic ghoul of a creature that disappeared from the Chemistry room and slithered itself into the courtyard.
Axel strictly lives within the confines of the courtyard. He is not allowed to leave the brick walls of EGHS because he is thought to be a detriment to society. In 1989, Axel escaped from the courtyard just before last period started. He trudged his way up Avenger Drive and down Middle Road towards EG Deli. Instantly, all East Greenwich public schools shut down. Students were confined within the walls of their school and parents were urged to not leave their homes. State officials were brought in to capture Axel and put him back in the courtyard. Axel was threatened to be “put down” for safety reasons if he escaped again. However, evidence showed that Axel’s only motivation for leaving the courtyard was that he was looking for a high-five from the cashier at EG Deli.
Despite Axel’s ugly exterior, he is a genuine creature with a heart of gold. In 2003, Axel was patrolling the courtyard, bored one afternoon. Sources say that the “beloved chemical reaction” was tanning one spring afternoon when he heard a scream from the top of building. Construction workers were on top of the building fixing one of the many leaks in the roof when one of the workers slipped and was dangling over the side of the building. Acting quickly, Axel scaled the side of the building and rescued the worker from falling. The befuddled worker asked Axel if Axel was a super hero. Axel simply responded with: “Oopty Loopty Blimey Ketchup.”
Axel has been hibernating all winter and is set to wake from his deep sleep towards the end of March. There is an old East Greenwich tale stating that if Axel sees his shadow when waking up from hibernation, then each spring sports team will have a winning season.
So as you have almost completed reading this article, many of you may be wondering: “How come I haven’t seen Axel?” or “What does he look like?” or “What is going on in this article?” Well I can answer two of those questions for you. Have you ever noticed the gooey-brown substance on the ceilings? That’s Axel. These gooey-brown findings are predominantly spotted in the ceiling of room 211, or in the art wing hallway ceilings. Those are just some of his remnants that have collected within the school over the past 50 years.
As we prepare for another spring at EGHS, make sure to look out for Axel. He has been a part of East Greenwich High School history for fifty years and is a figure head within the town. If you see him in the courtyard during a photo class make sure to give him a hug and a hand pound. If you’re ever writing poetry on one of the courtyard benches, he’ll come and join you if you have a Double-Stuffed Oreo cookie for him. Unfortunately his waking will not be televised so students and faculty will be notified through word of mouth if he saw his shadow or not. So as the second semester continues and the trees begin to bloom, keep your eye out for Axel the Avenger, East Greenwich High School’s fifty-year old mascot.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Feeling Like Charlie Brown
Valentine's Day is a depressing day for many Americans. Many wonder if someone will actually go
out of there way to give you a measly card or a box of chocolates. This "holiday" has brainwashed
America. Many single swingers curse St. Valentines name and ask why he started such a vial day.
However, it could be worse. You could be Charlie Brown on Valentine's Day.
Charlie Brown's pharmacy bill must be through the roof. His depression medication bill must enormous. Whether it was the omnipotent rocks he received when he went trick-or-treating OR how his Christmas tree ruined Christmas, Chuck is never happy. And to top it all off, his psychiatrist isn't even a real doctor.
Your heart goes out to the poor bastard on Valentine's Day. Charlie Brown is never happy to begin with, but now we have to watch his misery on Valentine's Day, a day where a third of America is left unhappy because they don't have a significant other to spend $15 on. Chuck wonders if he'll get a valentine, but any Peanuts fan knows that he has no chance of getting any sort of affection from anyone else. Charlie is just lucky to get Snoopy to slobber all over his face.
So for all of you that are left single on Valentine's Day and your only date is with your remote controller and a tub of Ben & Jerry's ice cream, remember it could be worse. You could be Charlie Brown.
"http://www.youtube.com/v/uTvSeveNcNg&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true"
width="425" height="344">
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Trip Down Memory Lane
Listen to antique songs on your itunes. Look out Webster, urban dictionary, James Lipton,...I'm coining this phrase.
Antique Song: (noun) 1. Song that sits stagnant in your itunes
2. Song that was cool when you bought it, but only you played it 4-7 times
synonyms: "Middle School Song," "my old jam," any song by Hoobastank.
The "antique songs" are fun to bring back once and a while. For example, my itunes library is filled with 1,965 songs. I have purchased 1,188 through the itunes store. I have not (yet) corrupted my computer with Limewire or other programs that illegally download music, that's what college is for, right? So that means over $1,188 has been spent on miscellaneously purchased songs. What up recession.
Right now I have selected the "shuffle" function on my itunes hoping that I come across one of my infamous middle school songs, believe me I'm sitting on the edge of my seat WAITING for "I'm Just a Kid" by Simple Plan to blare through my speakers. Or better yet, "Face Down" by the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. The anticipation is killing me...
Whenever these songs come on at random it makes you laugh and wonder what the hell was going on in my mind when i spent $0.99 on this song?
Other Antique Songs:
-"Kiss Me Thru the Phone" by Soulja Boy Tell em...haha
-Any Yellowcard song
-"It's Goin' Down" by Young Joc
-"Baby Boy" by Beyonce
-"Why?" by Jadakiss & Anthony Hamilton
-"Just the Girl" by the Click Five...I hate myself
Monday, February 8, 2010
The GPS Lady
Have you ever wondered what the GPS lady looks like in real life? Is she really a Swedish model named Garmin (pronounced Garmeen)? Does she sensually place her finger in her mouth every time car makes the "next left turn?" Or is the voice an old, strict Italian woman named Magellan who shakes her prickly finger every time she has to "re-calculate the route" due to construction or a wrong turn? Or is the woman who is the real GPS voice reading this article and shaking her head because my images don't depict what she actually looks like...yeah right.
Regardless, the real voice of this person must live a depressing life. Who ever thought that someone would spend more time behind a microphone than John Madden? This poor lady from these GPS companies has to stay in a room and read off pages and pages of sound bites. I just wonder what would happen if the car that she was monitoring never runs into a situation where aliens abduct half of the car, MEANWHILE a flock of sheep block half of the intersection while a 5.0 earthquake goes on under the car. "She" wouldn't know what to say, but maybe that's a good thing so she'll finally shut up.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
.JPG&imgrefurl=http://lesanddoug.blogspot.com/&usg=__SBZLhanRcrgMvzdpw5eHUspqquc%3D&h=1200&w=1600&sz=128&hl=en&start=0&sig2=ie2_fgpZCG3mjztPZaGVzA&tbnid=tV66mNLBfHqgfM:&tbnh=112&tbnw=150&ei=yvFITMmGH5OgsQOKt9hI&prev=/images?q%3Dpedafile%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26safe%3Dactive%26client%3Dsafari%26sa%3DX%26rls%3Den%26biw%3D1016%26bih%3D600%26tbs%3Disch:1,isz:l&um=1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=602&vpy=405&dur=435&hovh=113&hovw=150&tx=38&ty=109&page=1&ndsp=13&ved=1t:429,r:11,s:0){kind=link}
