This Isn't a Little League Blog Post

Okay viewers, it’s time I changed up “What’s in Ted’s Head” a little. Don’t worry I’ll be back spewing silly shit that’s borderline irrelevant in about a week (knock on wood). So over my winter break I ventured to the land of lakes of high school athletes: Carmel, NY. It was there when I used the word “league” describing various places and people. (I guess my blog has really evolved, first I started using swear words sparingly in my posts, now I’m extending my population to NY. What’s next? Will the guy who played Eduardo in the Social Network follow me on twitter?

But anyway, what’s league?

Well according to the town of Carmel who supposedly coined that term in 1999 after listening to Will Smith’s Willenium album…kidding, “league” is a certain swagger about yourself that stems from someone who’s performance is not only exemplary, but they have a sense of old school, “no bull shit” persona about them. They aren’t flashy, pompous, or anyone that would participate in killing snakes.

So, for this post me and my friend Frank Smith, who is a resident of Carmel will list our 5 most league colleges that aren’t in the big 6 conferences (Big East, ACC, SEC, Big-10, Big-12, Pac-10) or any Ivy League schools because Ivy League school’s sort of personify league.

First I must list my honorable mention schools, and give a sentence of why they don’t belong in my top 5.

Colgate: 4 out of every 5 Holy Cross students prefer Crest

Emory: Although the school is excellent, “Emory” was probably the name of the kid in your class who was first to get the TI-84 calculator in 7th grade—like come on guy, this is pre-algebra.

Rice-Phenomenal logo, however besides baseball, this school is not known for their athletics. PLUS ignorant kids do not want to attend here because the name reminds them of their least favorite starch food.

Johns Hopkins-Lax can't carry you all the way to victory, bro.

5. Pepperdine-Yes, Pepperdine. The school by the sea. Okay for one this school is located on a cliff in Malibu so even though the MTV show “The OC” that was on in 8th grade took place here does not (by the motherfucking transitive property) make my girl LC “league.” Did you know that the Mowry Clan attended Pepperdine? Although Tamera and Tia don’t look EXACTLY alike even if though they’re twins, which is kind of fucked up because Tia is so much hotter, Taj Mowry saves the day through his performance in "Smart Guy." One of the most league TV shows ever. Pepperdine’s academics are better than I thought, according to College Board, requiring over a 550 in each of the SAT sections, however their athletes SCREAM average: Doug Christie, Mike Fetters, Noah Lowry, and the once solid Randy Wolf.

4. Richmond-Home of the Spiders and the capital of the most league state out there: Virginia. Richmond is not only a gorgeous campus but a perennial threat in the Atlantic-10 conference. Some of Richmond's alumni range from Brian Jordan (who played not only in the MLB, but he NFL as well), MLB Mr. Nice Sean Casey, the CEO of Miller Brewing Company, and Todd McShay. This school has not only spit out some B+ alumni, but its also more difficult to get into than people think (median SAT scores range from 1820-2020).

3. Tufts-The only thing not league about Tufts is their color scheme: Baby Blue and Brown. Bleh. Located just outside of Boston, Tufts is one of the hardest schools to get into. You don't believe me? Tufts has been asked many of times to join to Ivy League but they say Fuck You to any ra-ra Yale vs. Harvard bullshit. Tufts accepted under 1/4 of their applicants this past year, which gives them more of a "fuck you we won't expand our school" feel. The only things keeping Tufts out of the 1 & 2 spots is their athletics, though solid in D3 is still D3. Also their only notable alumni besides Meredith from Who Wants to be a Millionaire is the guy who invented eBay.

2. Army & Navy-You kind of have to put these 2 together. Sorry Air Force. But the Army vs. Navy game I went to was one of the coolest things I've ever seen. Army owns the rite to one of the coolest uniforms ever. In the grand scheme of things, what's more old-school than fighting for your country? Leauge. I'm not sure how I feel about Navy's triple option offense though, I'm not sure if I will be tarred and feathered for saying that. The only thing holding back Army & Navy for getting the number 1 spot on my list is that I don't go there...sorry my blog my rules.

1. College of the Holy Cross-Now that you've finished reading this, it's almost as anti-climactic as watching Tedy Bruschi choose the winner of a Patriots vs. anyone opponent. But HC is the most league school out there. We're purple, and purple was league and noble since the Phoenicians were secreting purple dye out of the murex shell back in 1200BC. League. Holy Cross also was not only an old school power threat back in the days of Bob Cousy and Tom Heinsohn, but we continue to dominate the Patriot League. Did you know only Holy Cross and UCONN are the only schools in New England to win a national D1 basketball championship? Alumni range from renowned sports writers like Bill Simmons to Dan Shaughnessy to Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas and Obama's speech writer Jon Favreau then to Chris Matthews who host's Hardball, no not the one with Keanu Reaves.

Phew okay bring on the hate mail from that post. But before you listen to a once great song, check out Frank Smith's blog.

Creators of Now 5 are rolling around in their grave: