Welcome back friends to another post where the tedcullinane.blogspot staff and I try to satisfy the site's founding ideals of writing at least 2 blog posts a month. However, this post I feel is long overdue...
If you haven't noticed the pictures of baseball players on Facebook defaults that you:
a.) haven't heard before
b.) had their baseball card of as a kid
c.)wait the Blue Jays picked up Jay Payton?
You know that this week is "Average Baseball Player Week." Only the devote and proud can honor this week by either posting their "idea" of what baseball player is truly average either as their default or changing their name to their favorite average slugger.
However, I do realize that this blog is user friendly, and I tend to attract a diverse population, so it would be wrong for the staff to strictly focus on the average baseball player. So instead, I'll spit nonsense for the next 2 and a half minutes about what is average "holistically" in your life.
Average is a great term. Most people immediately think of a "C" on your report card as average, and if your creativity has only limited you to that, leave the blog. Open your mind up and see the average around you. Here are a few easy ones:
...for all my East Greenwich readers, the 1st level science wing is extremely average. Sure you like Mr. Wren, but when you think of favorite classes you don't think of freshman/sophomore year bio, and once again if you do, leave the blog. But that entire science wing is average, it's location especially. It's there but you might pass through there twice a day. To maybe go to the gym, or maybe even a fire drill.
...for all my Holy Cross readers, Clark residence hall. You know Clark exists, but so what if it didn't? It's the second farthest sophomore dorm from everything (Mulledy is 1), and its name is about as cool as a Apple Nutri-Grain bar. All the other names of the buildings are cooler because they look different than they are pronounced (Mulledy, Lehy, Beaven). Clark is just there. Nothing more, nothing less, and that's what makes it average.
...however I do realize that my blog has spread like leaking pudding to either regional or national audiences (lets keep our fingers crossed for going international). So finally, here are my last few universal observations of what is average.
Thin-tipped Sharpies: They always created a hassle because unless you were autographing baseballs, it took forever to get a job done with them.
Strawberry Pop-Tarts: Not the ones without the frosting...those are amazing toasted. I'm talking about the original white frosted pop-tart with weird confetti/sprinkles on top. Yeah, you'd eat them if you were out of cereal, but Oreos take obvious precedent over them as a snack.
Anything the All-American Rejects sings: pretty self explanatory
Jimmy Carter: If a president could be average, Jimmy Carter would fit the mold. If Grover Cleveland didn't serve two terms, he would be here too. So Grover, thank the electoral vote big guy.
Playstation: No this isn't a Xbox 360 vs. PS3 "debate," I'm talking about the original Playstation. If you had one of these as a kid, there is an 87% chance you have a better up-grade of a system now. Sure the Playstation was cool, but you haven't picked it up since you got your PS3.
Thursdays in the summer: (jeez I'm really stretching this post) but it's Thursday in summer, it's not the weekend, you can't really go out but could if you wanted to. However, you treat this day like you would Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday in the summer-wake up at 11, watch SportsCenter twice, check Facebook, think about eating something for breakfast/lunch, realize you have no food in your house, and repeat.
Nickels: Besides buying MacDonalds with exact change, when do these ever play a relevant role in your life. I would include pennies here, but if you read my last blog post, you would know that they are one of the last 4 things out in life.
Alright, well that's it. If you made it through this mess I applaud you. You're devoted and know true art when you see it. So I'll leave you all with this...
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Saturday, March 12, 2011
2nd Annual Ted Cullinane Life Tournament
I'm back like a scratcher with my 2nd annuual "Last 4 in, Last 4 out" blog post. For those that have been reading the blog for over a year now, you might remember my "Waving the Bubble Wand" post.
I'll update the new followers who didn't follow the Mecca of blogs on the internet last year. Every year around this time, ESPN pays Joe Lunardi hundreds of thousands of dollars to assess which teams belong in the 68 team NCAA college basketball tournament. He judges which teams are "on the bubble" or may or may not have a shot of getting an invite to "the big dance."
However, at the tedcullinane.blogspot.com office, "the staff" likes to bring diverse content that all readers can relate to. So this post will focus on the "bubble" aspects of life that are the 4 things you need and then the last 4 things you don't need. Welcome ladies, gentleman, and Jason LaRue to the 2nd Annual Ted Cullinane Life Tournament.
Last 4 in:
Outkast Songs: Say what you want about Andre 3000: his bow ties, his outfit in the "Hey Ya" video, his hair styles that seem to change as much as Timo Cruz's decision to play for the Richmond Oilers in Coach Carter, but this guy is an entertainer and a party starter. Tell me, actually write it in the comments section because it's been almost a year and a half now and I think I've tallied 6 total comments for all of my posts, just a little give and take folks. But tell me a time when you weren't pumped that "Hey Ya" or "Roses" came on and you didn't get pumped/turn it off. I realize that they have a few bad losses (i.e this) but their strength of schedule (aka middle school dances, early homecomings, barmitzfahs, and random times when it comes on your ipod) outweigh their bad losses.
Non-Smart Phones: I don't care if Kyle Singler uses Twitter on non-smart phones, so do I. But non-smart phones will always have a place in my heart. Who can forget the kids that played Tetris or Ms. Pacman in class...where art thou Morgan Michaels? But these games were the first phone games we played. non-smart phones taught us how to play brick breaker on your "Crackberry," and yes Angry Birds is fun to play on your iPhone, but let us never forget the LG phone that will always have a special spot in our hearts. Despite the non-smart phone's Kyle Singler bad loss, the good wins like Ms. Pacman and Tetris get them a spot in the tourney.
Burnett's Vodka: Shoutout to all my EG readers...but 'nets is a special brand of vodka whose bad losses we all can vividly remember, or for some forget, outweigh it's quality win of a cheap price and definitely gets it a spot in the Last 4 in in the Life Tournament ('Nets has possible '06 George Mason-like run in them this year). Another quality win for Burnett's is the plethora of flavors. 'Nets seems to come out with flavors as frequently as Vitamin Water (yikes I just compared Burnetts to Vitamin Water). But seriously though, one of the cooler things, for me at least, is when you see a Burnett's bottle and you're like "Wow, who knew that their was a [insert any Blow-Pop flavor] Burnett's brand!" For those that may not relate to Burnett's just think of a cheap vodka in your area that was popular in high school.
Snuggies: This one hurts for me to put into the Last 4 in. The feeling is similar to the SportsCenter anchors opening up their invitation to "Linda Cohn's Christmas Party," they think, "AH, I hate Linda Cohn, but Scott Van Pelt and Neil Everett will be there and they do an awesome job of making fun of Tim Kurkjian's height throughout the night." Snuggies' bad loss is its commercials. No one that hot ever wears Snuggies. However, currently I'm wearing one as I write this post, so IDK what that previous statement says about how I think I look, but these things aren't that bad. They're provide a service of warmth in a cold basement and wearing it makes me look like a wizard.
Last 4 Out:
Pennies: You've had a long and solid run. The copper looks good on you and has been a quality non-conference road win for quite some time now. Similarly the Abe Lincoln facade is another good look and getting rid of Honest Abe was very tough to do, which is why you are on the top of the list for the Last 4 Out. However, you're worthless. Like honestly, I'd rather have a weird European soccer coach that got exported to teach 10 year olds how to play soccer in my pocket instead of a penny, and I wouldn't care if he didn't fit.
Arby's: I don't care if you're new commercial is phenomenal.
That "good win" is like beating Michigan State when they were ranked 17th. It's just not a strong enough resume builder. Personally, I'm tentative whenever I get roast beef not at the super market. I'm extra tentative when a place called "Arby's" is trying to persuade me to taste their beef.
Over Enthusiastic Basketball Bench Players: This is another tough one for me to put in the Last for Out because the "walk-on athlete" will always have a spot in my heart, and forever be a quality win greater than or equal to beating the number one team at home on senior day. However,the bad loss here is your enthusiasm doesn't get you a spot on the floor. For instance Bill Self isn't going to put you into the game because you sprinted to center court to give a jumping "hip-bump" to Marcus Morris, when he nonchalantly gives you a weak high 5 acknowledging your presence. Do yourself and the "squad" a favor and stop barking orders to your boy from the bench and sit down and stick to linking arms with the rest of your teammates as the clock runs down.
Pulp: Idk why orange juice pulp still exists and I don't know why it was ever on the "bubble" for tentative things to get into the Life Tournament, but its run has ended. Its inability to win on the road, or other non-NCAA basketball terms, its inability to give me any sort of enjoyment makes it on the Last 4 out. I mean I guess it's healthy for you, like cool you beat Texas on the road, but when I drink OJ with pulp it feels like I'm gargling tuna fish. Anyone who likes pulp definitely is mentally over the age of 54. I emphasize "mentally" over the age of 54 because you could be 19 years old but you have the personality of a 54 year old if you thoroughly enjoy orange juice with pulp.
So that's it for my 2nd Annual Life Tournament. I provided a little more literature in this post than my last one. Enjoy the NCAA tournament and enjoy this video...
I'll update the new followers who didn't follow the Mecca of blogs on the internet last year. Every year around this time, ESPN pays Joe Lunardi hundreds of thousands of dollars to assess which teams belong in the 68 team NCAA college basketball tournament. He judges which teams are "on the bubble" or may or may not have a shot of getting an invite to "the big dance."
However, at the tedcullinane.blogspot.com office, "the staff" likes to bring diverse content that all readers can relate to. So this post will focus on the "bubble" aspects of life that are the 4 things you need and then the last 4 things you don't need. Welcome ladies, gentleman, and Jason LaRue to the 2nd Annual Ted Cullinane Life Tournament.
Last 4 in:
Outkast Songs: Say what you want about Andre 3000: his bow ties, his outfit in the "Hey Ya" video, his hair styles that seem to change as much as Timo Cruz's decision to play for the Richmond Oilers in Coach Carter, but this guy is an entertainer and a party starter. Tell me, actually write it in the comments section because it's been almost a year and a half now and I think I've tallied 6 total comments for all of my posts, just a little give and take folks. But tell me a time when you weren't pumped that "Hey Ya" or "Roses" came on and you didn't get pumped/turn it off. I realize that they have a few bad losses (i.e this) but their strength of schedule (aka middle school dances, early homecomings, barmitzfahs, and random times when it comes on your ipod) outweigh their bad losses.
Non-Smart Phones: I don't care if Kyle Singler uses Twitter on non-smart phones, so do I. But non-smart phones will always have a place in my heart. Who can forget the kids that played Tetris or Ms. Pacman in class...where art thou Morgan Michaels? But these games were the first phone games we played. non-smart phones taught us how to play brick breaker on your "Crackberry," and yes Angry Birds is fun to play on your iPhone, but let us never forget the LG phone that will always have a special spot in our hearts. Despite the non-smart phone's Kyle Singler bad loss, the good wins like Ms. Pacman and Tetris get them a spot in the tourney.
Burnett's Vodka: Shoutout to all my EG readers...but 'nets is a special brand of vodka whose bad losses we all can vividly remember, or for some forget, outweigh it's quality win of a cheap price and definitely gets it a spot in the Last 4 in in the Life Tournament ('Nets has possible '06 George Mason-like run in them this year). Another quality win for Burnett's is the plethora of flavors. 'Nets seems to come out with flavors as frequently as Vitamin Water (yikes I just compared Burnetts to Vitamin Water). But seriously though, one of the cooler things, for me at least, is when you see a Burnett's bottle and you're like "Wow, who knew that their was a [insert any Blow-Pop flavor] Burnett's brand!" For those that may not relate to Burnett's just think of a cheap vodka in your area that was popular in high school.
Snuggies: This one hurts for me to put into the Last 4 in. The feeling is similar to the SportsCenter anchors opening up their invitation to "Linda Cohn's Christmas Party," they think, "AH, I hate Linda Cohn, but Scott Van Pelt and Neil Everett will be there and they do an awesome job of making fun of Tim Kurkjian's height throughout the night." Snuggies' bad loss is its commercials. No one that hot ever wears Snuggies. However, currently I'm wearing one as I write this post, so IDK what that previous statement says about how I think I look, but these things aren't that bad. They're provide a service of warmth in a cold basement and wearing it makes me look like a wizard.
Last 4 Out:
Pennies: You've had a long and solid run. The copper looks good on you and has been a quality non-conference road win for quite some time now. Similarly the Abe Lincoln facade is another good look and getting rid of Honest Abe was very tough to do, which is why you are on the top of the list for the Last 4 Out. However, you're worthless. Like honestly, I'd rather have a weird European soccer coach that got exported to teach 10 year olds how to play soccer in my pocket instead of a penny, and I wouldn't care if he didn't fit.
Arby's: I don't care if you're new commercial is phenomenal.
That "good win" is like beating Michigan State when they were ranked 17th. It's just not a strong enough resume builder. Personally, I'm tentative whenever I get roast beef not at the super market. I'm extra tentative when a place called "Arby's" is trying to persuade me to taste their beef.
Over Enthusiastic Basketball Bench Players: This is another tough one for me to put in the Last for Out because the "walk-on athlete" will always have a spot in my heart, and forever be a quality win greater than or equal to beating the number one team at home on senior day. However,the bad loss here is your enthusiasm doesn't get you a spot on the floor. For instance Bill Self isn't going to put you into the game because you sprinted to center court to give a jumping "hip-bump" to Marcus Morris, when he nonchalantly gives you a weak high 5 acknowledging your presence. Do yourself and the "squad" a favor and stop barking orders to your boy from the bench and sit down and stick to linking arms with the rest of your teammates as the clock runs down.
Pulp: Idk why orange juice pulp still exists and I don't know why it was ever on the "bubble" for tentative things to get into the Life Tournament, but its run has ended. Its inability to win on the road, or other non-NCAA basketball terms, its inability to give me any sort of enjoyment makes it on the Last 4 out. I mean I guess it's healthy for you, like cool you beat Texas on the road, but when I drink OJ with pulp it feels like I'm gargling tuna fish. Anyone who likes pulp definitely is mentally over the age of 54. I emphasize "mentally" over the age of 54 because you could be 19 years old but you have the personality of a 54 year old if you thoroughly enjoy orange juice with pulp.
So that's it for my 2nd Annual Life Tournament. I provided a little more literature in this post than my last one. Enjoy the NCAA tournament and enjoy this video...
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Wuck the Feather
Thats right. Wuck the feather. Figure it out.
I knew living in Worcester for my college career wouldn't be the best environment (STRICTLY because of the weather, believe me I'm all for Woo-Rats, and the Worcester State Lancers). However, this weather is borderline inappropriate.
The dog days of February and soon to be March are upon us and for many Holy Cross students, the upcoming Spring Break does not appear to be a jumpstart into leisurely summer activities like this. However, this break appears to be more of a brief hiatus from no more teachers dirty looks and alot of this at the homestead.
I'm not blaming the lack of Spring Break enthusiasm on Linda Cohn's lackluster performances on SportsCenter nor the waning remains of my Chapstick (whats good assonance), however 100% of the blame goes towards the weather.
I know, relax you don't have to tell me that only old, menopausal women would blog about the depressing weather (if they knew what a blog was). I'm just out of fresh ideas to talk about. But anyway there is no positive to the weather right now. For instance:
The Snow: If thats what you want to call the white stuff on the ground. You can't play in it, you can't push people in it or they bleed, and your can't make snowballs. It feels as though the snow has been on the ground since Thanksgiving and it just lies on the ground useless, similar to this guy's high school prom aspirations.
The Excrement: Notice I refrained to say dirt, sand, or ice. These 3 have their own category. They are all the same in this category. Despite the sand and rock that have collected on the edge of snowbanks on the side of the road to make it look like a giant mound of Cookies and Cream ice cream, the excrements that "follow you" resemble the kid in high school who never figured out you were never going to "hit him up" but he didn't care and still kept following you. For example, once you return from the dinner you notice the excrement that has followed you off of the streets and back to your room and decided to make a living all over your floor. You're not going to do anything about it, it's just going to be there until "housekeeping" comes to vacuum it up in at least a week.
What Ever Happened to Frisbee?: The most cliched thing about college... "Playing fribee in the quad with your bros while wearing a pair of either boat shoes or flip flops, while you proudly wear a tee-shirt from your bookstore." Those days aren't happening until at least Easter here in Worcester...sigh
So I'm sorry, I needed to put something up on the blog. I realize this didn't have the uumph that the last post had. Win some, lose some. But wuck the feather...if you still haven't figured what that means, scroll down to the bottom of the music video and the true meaning of the phrase will be presented upside down.
If you can't figure out what "wuck the feather" means, get up out the blog.
I knew living in Worcester for my college career wouldn't be the best environment (STRICTLY because of the weather, believe me I'm all for Woo-Rats, and the Worcester State Lancers). However, this weather is borderline inappropriate.
The dog days of February and soon to be March are upon us and for many Holy Cross students, the upcoming Spring Break does not appear to be a jumpstart into leisurely summer activities like this. However, this break appears to be more of a brief hiatus from no more teachers dirty looks and alot of this at the homestead.
I'm not blaming the lack of Spring Break enthusiasm on Linda Cohn's lackluster performances on SportsCenter nor the waning remains of my Chapstick (whats good assonance), however 100% of the blame goes towards the weather.
I know, relax you don't have to tell me that only old, menopausal women would blog about the depressing weather (if they knew what a blog was). I'm just out of fresh ideas to talk about. But anyway there is no positive to the weather right now. For instance:
The Snow: If thats what you want to call the white stuff on the ground. You can't play in it, you can't push people in it or they bleed, and your can't make snowballs. It feels as though the snow has been on the ground since Thanksgiving and it just lies on the ground useless, similar to this guy's high school prom aspirations.
The Excrement: Notice I refrained to say dirt, sand, or ice. These 3 have their own category. They are all the same in this category. Despite the sand and rock that have collected on the edge of snowbanks on the side of the road to make it look like a giant mound of Cookies and Cream ice cream, the excrements that "follow you" resemble the kid in high school who never figured out you were never going to "hit him up" but he didn't care and still kept following you. For example, once you return from the dinner you notice the excrement that has followed you off of the streets and back to your room and decided to make a living all over your floor. You're not going to do anything about it, it's just going to be there until "housekeeping" comes to vacuum it up in at least a week.
What Ever Happened to Frisbee?: The most cliched thing about college... "Playing fribee in the quad with your bros while wearing a pair of either boat shoes or flip flops, while you proudly wear a tee-shirt from your bookstore." Those days aren't happening until at least Easter here in Worcester...sigh
So I'm sorry, I needed to put something up on the blog. I realize this didn't have the uumph that the last post had. Win some, lose some. But wuck the feather...if you still haven't figured what that means, scroll down to the bottom of the music video and the true meaning of the phrase will be presented upside down.
If you can't figure out what "wuck the feather" means, get up out the blog.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
This IS a Little League Blog Post
No don't worry, this isn't another post about the most "league" schools which will fuel a "stirring" 2 minute debate on why your school should have been in the top 5-or at least in honorable mention section. This is about the most innocent thing in the world...or what we thought was.
Little League. Tony the Tiger (don't worry the link isn't a picture of a Frosted Flakes box, click it) and your dad's favorite time of year is right around the corner with little league tryouts rapidly approaching. We all remember Little League as one of the best times of your life-at least I did. For instance 6th grade, or my final year of Little League, was a time in which "play dates" were playing a vital role in my life, tag was slowly losing it's lust of a way to attract girls, and getting a cell phone was in my near future. On top of all that I was able to put on a polyester uniform 2 nights a week and go out and represent my local town sponsor.
Everyone who played Little League baseball (or softball) has a memory from it. Don't lie, you know you do just think really hard. If you need some help here are some "triggers" that may stimulate your Little League memory bank:
That coach: You know him, you wish he was your dad, but at the same time you don't. This was the dad that not only wore strikingly small khaki shorts when the weather got warm, but he also had his on personal bat for hitting warm-ups with. All the players loved him, and they knew never to ask him if they were playing catcher next inning-probably because this coach had the positions already planned out on a spreadsheet hanging from the dugout wall. However when the game got into the 6th inning, this coach would be putting on delayed steals, bunt slashes, and other intricate signs that don't belong in town/recreational play (save it for the tournament big guy). But looking back on it, you realize this coach who showed off his "bulging" quads under his tiny shorts was a clown. Your memory is starting to bring you back to him jumping up and down after his team successfully completed a sacrifice fly that won them the game, nevertheless beating your team. Now you remember why you didn't want to play for him...
The Concession Stands: The concession stand was great because everyone was an All-Star at the end of the game. You could've struck out twice, had an "accident," and then made an error (at second base) to lose your team the game but who cares: free hot dogs after the game. You didn't need to worry about what "creation" your mom was making later that night for dinner because now that your game is over, your night will consist of 2 hot dogs, a red Gatorade, a Nerds Rope, 30 minutes of math homework, and finally 45 minutes of Gamecube. Sweet Dreams.
The Smack Talk: The most innocent smack talk in all of sports. For me, I remember sitting in class (with a substitute teacher obviously) and talking with my teammates and rivals about the game that night:
"So who is pitching for you tonight," says Player A
"[Insert name of Little League stud], but he can only throw 3 innings tonight," replies Player B
Player A starts to sweat because he is scared of fast pitching.
"He stinks, he can't even pitch good," says Player C, who isn't scared of fast pitching and also the teammate of Player A.
"Oh my gosh, are you serious dude? He struck out 11 guys last game," retorts player B.
Nothing like this smack talk, over a few multiplication problems...
Hitting a Home Run: The second greatest feeling, besides getting into college. For me I only hit one in my illustrious Little League career, so I remember the sequence vividly. Cam Brown was on the hill and threw one up and in... I didn't have "my bat" that day which had hit me plenty of doubles up to this point-but no home runs...the pitch was nearly at eye level...I took a mighty hack with this 31'' 17.5 oz bat and before I knew it Eric Fugleberg was digging in the woods for my lone Little League home run ball. The best part about Little League was that mechanics didn't matter in your swing, all you needed to do was get-a-hold-of one and before you knew it the opposing coach was complimenting you on the way you play the game during the handshake line.
Ok, no more. But Little Leaguers were celebrities during "tournament time" and not even getting grounded could keep you from feeling like you were on top of the world. I've been removed from Little League for almost 8 years so sorry if I got a little nostalgic, I know you're thinking about your career and memories right now so thank me later...
A shoutout to all my EGLL teammates and all other players out there who shared this as their favorite song "back in the day"...
Little League. Tony the Tiger (don't worry the link isn't a picture of a Frosted Flakes box, click it) and your dad's favorite time of year is right around the corner with little league tryouts rapidly approaching. We all remember Little League as one of the best times of your life-at least I did. For instance 6th grade, or my final year of Little League, was a time in which "play dates" were playing a vital role in my life, tag was slowly losing it's lust of a way to attract girls, and getting a cell phone was in my near future. On top of all that I was able to put on a polyester uniform 2 nights a week and go out and represent my local town sponsor.
Everyone who played Little League baseball (or softball) has a memory from it. Don't lie, you know you do just think really hard. If you need some help here are some "triggers" that may stimulate your Little League memory bank:
That coach: You know him, you wish he was your dad, but at the same time you don't. This was the dad that not only wore strikingly small khaki shorts when the weather got warm, but he also had his on personal bat for hitting warm-ups with. All the players loved him, and they knew never to ask him if they were playing catcher next inning-probably because this coach had the positions already planned out on a spreadsheet hanging from the dugout wall. However when the game got into the 6th inning, this coach would be putting on delayed steals, bunt slashes, and other intricate signs that don't belong in town/recreational play (save it for the tournament big guy). But looking back on it, you realize this coach who showed off his "bulging" quads under his tiny shorts was a clown. Your memory is starting to bring you back to him jumping up and down after his team successfully completed a sacrifice fly that won them the game, nevertheless beating your team. Now you remember why you didn't want to play for him...
The Concession Stands: The concession stand was great because everyone was an All-Star at the end of the game. You could've struck out twice, had an "accident," and then made an error (at second base) to lose your team the game but who cares: free hot dogs after the game. You didn't need to worry about what "creation" your mom was making later that night for dinner because now that your game is over, your night will consist of 2 hot dogs, a red Gatorade, a Nerds Rope, 30 minutes of math homework, and finally 45 minutes of Gamecube. Sweet Dreams.
The Smack Talk: The most innocent smack talk in all of sports. For me, I remember sitting in class (with a substitute teacher obviously) and talking with my teammates and rivals about the game that night:
"So who is pitching for you tonight," says Player A
"[Insert name of Little League stud], but he can only throw 3 innings tonight," replies Player B
Player A starts to sweat because he is scared of fast pitching.
"He stinks, he can't even pitch good," says Player C, who isn't scared of fast pitching and also the teammate of Player A.
"Oh my gosh, are you serious dude? He struck out 11 guys last game," retorts player B.
Nothing like this smack talk, over a few multiplication problems...
Hitting a Home Run: The second greatest feeling, besides getting into college. For me I only hit one in my illustrious Little League career, so I remember the sequence vividly. Cam Brown was on the hill and threw one up and in... I didn't have "my bat" that day which had hit me plenty of doubles up to this point-but no home runs...the pitch was nearly at eye level...I took a mighty hack with this 31'' 17.5 oz bat and before I knew it Eric Fugleberg was digging in the woods for my lone Little League home run ball. The best part about Little League was that mechanics didn't matter in your swing, all you needed to do was get-a-hold-of one and before you knew it the opposing coach was complimenting you on the way you play the game during the handshake line.
Ok, no more. But Little Leaguers were celebrities during "tournament time" and not even getting grounded could keep you from feeling like you were on top of the world. I've been removed from Little League for almost 8 years so sorry if I got a little nostalgic, I know you're thinking about your career and memories right now so thank me later...
A shoutout to all my EGLL teammates and all other players out there who shared this as their favorite song "back in the day"...
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
This Isn't a Little League Blog Post
Okay viewers, it’s time I changed up “What’s in Ted’s Head” a little. Don’t worry I’ll be back spewing silly shit that’s borderline irrelevant in about a week (knock on wood). So over my winter break I ventured to the land of lakes of high school athletes: Carmel, NY. It was there when I used the word “league” describing various places and people. (I guess my blog has really evolved, first I started using swear words sparingly in my posts, now I’m extending my population to NY. What’s next? Will the guy who played Eduardo in the Social Network follow me on twitter?
But anyway, what’s league?
Well according to the town of Carmel who supposedly coined that term in 1999 after listening to Will Smith’s Willenium album…kidding, “league” is a certain swagger about yourself that stems from someone who’s performance is not only exemplary, but they have a sense of old school, “no bull shit” persona about them. They aren’t flashy, pompous, or anyone that would participate in killing snakes.
So, for this post me and my friend Frank Smith, who is a resident of Carmel will list our 5 most league colleges that aren’t in the big 6 conferences (Big East, ACC, SEC, Big-10, Big-12, Pac-10) or any Ivy League schools because Ivy League school’s sort of personify league.
First I must list my honorable mention schools, and give a sentence of why they don’t belong in my top 5.
Colgate: 4 out of every 5 Holy Cross students prefer Crest
Emory: Although the school is excellent, “Emory” was probably the name of the kid in your class who was first to get the TI-84 calculator in 7th grade—like come on guy, this is pre-algebra.
Rice-Phenomenal logo, however besides baseball, this school is not known for their athletics. PLUS ignorant kids do not want to attend here because the name reminds them of their least favorite starch food.
Johns Hopkins-Lax can't carry you all the way to victory, bro.
5. Pepperdine-Yes, Pepperdine. The school by the sea. Okay for one this school is located on a cliff in Malibu so even though the MTV show “The OC” that was on in 8th grade took place here does not (by the motherfucking transitive property) make my girl LC “league.” Did you know that the Mowry Clan attended Pepperdine? Although Tamera and Tia don’t look EXACTLY alike even if though they’re twins, which is kind of fucked up because Tia is so much hotter, Taj Mowry saves the day through his performance in "Smart Guy." One of the most league TV shows ever. Pepperdine’s academics are better than I thought, according to College Board, requiring over a 550 in each of the SAT sections, however their athletes SCREAM average: Doug Christie, Mike Fetters, Noah Lowry, and the once solid Randy Wolf.
4. Richmond-Home of the Spiders and the capital of the most league state out there: Virginia. Richmond is not only a gorgeous campus but a perennial threat in the Atlantic-10 conference. Some of Richmond's alumni range from Brian Jordan (who played not only in the MLB, but he NFL as well), MLB Mr. Nice Sean Casey, the CEO of Miller Brewing Company, and Todd McShay. This school has not only spit out some B+ alumni, but its also more difficult to get into than people think (median SAT scores range from 1820-2020).
3. Tufts-The only thing not league about Tufts is their color scheme: Baby Blue and Brown. Bleh. Located just outside of Boston, Tufts is one of the hardest schools to get into. You don't believe me? Tufts has been asked many of times to join to Ivy League but they say Fuck You to any ra-ra Yale vs. Harvard bullshit. Tufts accepted under 1/4 of their applicants this past year, which gives them more of a "fuck you we won't expand our school" feel. The only things keeping Tufts out of the 1 & 2 spots is their athletics, though solid in D3 is still D3. Also their only notable alumni besides Meredith from Who Wants to be a Millionaire is the guy who invented eBay.
2. Army & Navy-You kind of have to put these 2 together. Sorry Air Force. But the Army vs. Navy game I went to was one of the coolest things I've ever seen. Army owns the rite to one of the coolest uniforms ever. In the grand scheme of things, what's more old-school than fighting for your country? Leauge. I'm not sure how I feel about Navy's triple option offense though, I'm not sure if I will be tarred and feathered for saying that. The only thing holding back Army & Navy for getting the number 1 spot on my list is that I don't go there...sorry my blog my rules.
1. College of the Holy Cross-Now that you've finished reading this, it's almost as anti-climactic as watching Tedy Bruschi choose the winner of a Patriots vs. anyone opponent. But HC is the most league school out there. We're purple, and purple was league and noble since the Phoenicians were secreting purple dye out of the murex shell back in 1200BC. League. Holy Cross also was not only an old school power threat back in the days of Bob Cousy and Tom Heinsohn, but we continue to dominate the Patriot League. Did you know only Holy Cross and UCONN are the only schools in New England to win a national D1 basketball championship? Alumni range from renowned sports writers like Bill Simmons to Dan Shaughnessy to Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas and Obama's speech writer Jon Favreau then to Chris Matthews who host's Hardball, no not the one with Keanu Reaves.
Phew okay bring on the hate mail from that post. But before you listen to a once great song, check out Frank Smith's blog.
Creators of Now 5 are rolling around in their grave:
But anyway, what’s league?
Well according to the town of Carmel who supposedly coined that term in 1999 after listening to Will Smith’s Willenium album…kidding, “league” is a certain swagger about yourself that stems from someone who’s performance is not only exemplary, but they have a sense of old school, “no bull shit” persona about them. They aren’t flashy, pompous, or anyone that would participate in killing snakes.
So, for this post me and my friend Frank Smith, who is a resident of Carmel will list our 5 most league colleges that aren’t in the big 6 conferences (Big East, ACC, SEC, Big-10, Big-12, Pac-10) or any Ivy League schools because Ivy League school’s sort of personify league.
First I must list my honorable mention schools, and give a sentence of why they don’t belong in my top 5.
Colgate: 4 out of every 5 Holy Cross students prefer Crest
Emory: Although the school is excellent, “Emory” was probably the name of the kid in your class who was first to get the TI-84 calculator in 7th grade—like come on guy, this is pre-algebra.
Rice-Phenomenal logo, however besides baseball, this school is not known for their athletics. PLUS ignorant kids do not want to attend here because the name reminds them of their least favorite starch food.
Johns Hopkins-Lax can't carry you all the way to victory, bro.
5. Pepperdine-Yes, Pepperdine. The school by the sea. Okay for one this school is located on a cliff in Malibu so even though the MTV show “The OC” that was on in 8th grade took place here does not (by the motherfucking transitive property) make my girl LC “league.” Did you know that the Mowry Clan attended Pepperdine? Although Tamera and Tia don’t look EXACTLY alike even if though they’re twins, which is kind of fucked up because Tia is so much hotter, Taj Mowry saves the day through his performance in "Smart Guy." One of the most league TV shows ever. Pepperdine’s academics are better than I thought, according to College Board, requiring over a 550 in each of the SAT sections, however their athletes SCREAM average: Doug Christie, Mike Fetters, Noah Lowry, and the once solid Randy Wolf.
4. Richmond-Home of the Spiders and the capital of the most league state out there: Virginia. Richmond is not only a gorgeous campus but a perennial threat in the Atlantic-10 conference. Some of Richmond's alumni range from Brian Jordan (who played not only in the MLB, but he NFL as well), MLB Mr. Nice Sean Casey, the CEO of Miller Brewing Company, and Todd McShay. This school has not only spit out some B+ alumni, but its also more difficult to get into than people think (median SAT scores range from 1820-2020).
3. Tufts-The only thing not league about Tufts is their color scheme: Baby Blue and Brown. Bleh. Located just outside of Boston, Tufts is one of the hardest schools to get into. You don't believe me? Tufts has been asked many of times to join to Ivy League but they say Fuck You to any ra-ra Yale vs. Harvard bullshit. Tufts accepted under 1/4 of their applicants this past year, which gives them more of a "fuck you we won't expand our school" feel. The only things keeping Tufts out of the 1 & 2 spots is their athletics, though solid in D3 is still D3. Also their only notable alumni besides Meredith from Who Wants to be a Millionaire is the guy who invented eBay.
2. Army & Navy-You kind of have to put these 2 together. Sorry Air Force. But the Army vs. Navy game I went to was one of the coolest things I've ever seen. Army owns the rite to one of the coolest uniforms ever. In the grand scheme of things, what's more old-school than fighting for your country? Leauge. I'm not sure how I feel about Navy's triple option offense though, I'm not sure if I will be tarred and feathered for saying that. The only thing holding back Army & Navy for getting the number 1 spot on my list is that I don't go there...sorry my blog my rules.
1. College of the Holy Cross-Now that you've finished reading this, it's almost as anti-climactic as watching Tedy Bruschi choose the winner of a Patriots vs. anyone opponent. But HC is the most league school out there. We're purple, and purple was league and noble since the Phoenicians were secreting purple dye out of the murex shell back in 1200BC. League. Holy Cross also was not only an old school power threat back in the days of Bob Cousy and Tom Heinsohn, but we continue to dominate the Patriot League. Did you know only Holy Cross and UCONN are the only schools in New England to win a national D1 basketball championship? Alumni range from renowned sports writers like Bill Simmons to Dan Shaughnessy to Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas and Obama's speech writer Jon Favreau then to Chris Matthews who host's Hardball, no not the one with Keanu Reaves.
Phew okay bring on the hate mail from that post. But before you listen to a once great song, check out Frank Smith's blog.
Creators of Now 5 are rolling around in their grave:
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Breaking the Language Barrier
There is nothing cool about the end of January. Now that the Pats are out of the playoffs and there are 15 minute segments on SportsCenter designated for Mel Kiper Jr, I don't know how to spend my days away from college. I could create a franchise in a video game from 2006 and only make it 3/8 through the season, I could make kooky breakfast creation, or I could shovel snow.
As a result of the average Rhode Island meteorologist's dopler radar, the third option became a reality this past week at a local apartment complex where I spent 2 days shoveling over a foot of snow off of a least 50 walk ways with 5 Mexicans.
I didn't take any Spanish in high school. Instead I took French. I never regretted my decision of taking French more than I did when I shoveled walkways with Mexicans earlier this week. Sure, I'd been around baseball games with screaming Puerto Rico fans yelling at me, but I was never in a working situation where my performance depended on understanding the Spanish language. However, after one of them looked at me and said: "Vamos" I knew there was no turning back.
For the time I spent with them I felt like I was a hostage. They could've been plotting to knock me out with the shovel, Home Alone style. As a result of my inability to speak Spanish I was stuck watching them point at the snow, ice melt, and a shovel while I played internal Clue with myself trying to figure how to shovel Colonel Mustard out of his apartment with a candlestick.
Despite their best efforts to speak broken Spanish to me about how the 50 foot pine tree covered in snow looked like a Christmas tree, I made it through both days of shoveling, leaving me with deep pockets filled with money that I could spend at the local flea market, futbol game, or state park.
Adios amigos
As a result of the average Rhode Island meteorologist's dopler radar, the third option became a reality this past week at a local apartment complex where I spent 2 days shoveling over a foot of snow off of a least 50 walk ways with 5 Mexicans.
I didn't take any Spanish in high school. Instead I took French. I never regretted my decision of taking French more than I did when I shoveled walkways with Mexicans earlier this week. Sure, I'd been around baseball games with screaming Puerto Rico fans yelling at me, but I was never in a working situation where my performance depended on understanding the Spanish language. However, after one of them looked at me and said: "Vamos" I knew there was no turning back.
For the time I spent with them I felt like I was a hostage. They could've been plotting to knock me out with the shovel, Home Alone style. As a result of my inability to speak Spanish I was stuck watching them point at the snow, ice melt, and a shovel while I played internal Clue with myself trying to figure how to shovel Colonel Mustard out of his apartment with a candlestick.
Despite their best efforts to speak broken Spanish to me about how the 50 foot pine tree covered in snow looked like a Christmas tree, I made it through both days of shoveling, leaving me with deep pockets filled with money that I could spend at the local flea market, futbol game, or state park.
Adios amigos
Sunday, January 2, 2011
My New Year's Resolution
I'm back like Baby Bash within a week's (denard) span. This break is obviously not very entertaining seeing that I am already on my second blog post since returning home for the holidays.
I'm three days deep into 2011 and I have already been asked a handful of times what my New Year's resolution would be. My response: "I'm blogging about it." How pathetic am I? First of all I'm expecting people to stay tuned and read my blog at a later time to know my New Years resolution. And secondly, I'm turning into one of those boorish novelists who hide behind their words and portray themselves through insecure fictional characters. However for my New Year's resolution I will not portray myself as Stanley Yelnats, instead, I will tell you that it is my goal for 2011 to get things right.
This isn't a "resolution" an emo kid would say to their parents after receiving not only a bad report card in the mail, but also an illegal bottle of narcotics shipped from China as well. However I want to be able to know factual things about life, similarly to how Chris Sheehan can name the glove that any baseball player who has played in Rhode Island in the past 3 years has used during their career.
I want to know
When it is good to make a music video in a bowling alley and when it isn't. Justin Bieber's hit video "Baby" was filmed in a bowling alley and has been viewed over 425,000,000 times. On the other hand, Jojo (god bless her soul) shot her video "Let it Rain" in a bowling alley as well and her video has received just over 1,000,000 views. This makes Bieber's video 425% more effective. How did Bieber's producer know he would have a 425% more successful video than Jojo? Grantid, when both of these videos were shot they both weren't old enough to get into the club, which always makes a solid video. However, because both of these videos were shot in a bowling alley proves that a cigarette smelling, average birthday party pizza, greesy (am I missing any other adjectives?) is the local hot spot for underage kids. Who knew? See this is the stuff 2011 needs to teach me!
Possible reasons why the difference in views between the 2 videos:
1.) No Ludacris in "Let in Rain"-he can only be involved in one H2O song anyway (Splash Waterfalls)
2.) There are less 15 year old girls and 68 year old men searching for Jojo videos then there are searching for Justin Bieber's.
3.) Except for Canada, only a select few know Jojo's real name, thus allowing for a more wide search when searching "jojo" on youtube.
2.) The images at 30 seconds in and 36 seconds in "Let it Rain"
The Hit...
The Miss...
I'm three days deep into 2011 and I have already been asked a handful of times what my New Year's resolution would be. My response: "I'm blogging about it." How pathetic am I? First of all I'm expecting people to stay tuned and read my blog at a later time to know my New Years resolution. And secondly, I'm turning into one of those boorish novelists who hide behind their words and portray themselves through insecure fictional characters. However for my New Year's resolution I will not portray myself as Stanley Yelnats, instead, I will tell you that it is my goal for 2011 to get things right.
This isn't a "resolution" an emo kid would say to their parents after receiving not only a bad report card in the mail, but also an illegal bottle of narcotics shipped from China as well. However I want to be able to know factual things about life, similarly to how Chris Sheehan can name the glove that any baseball player who has played in Rhode Island in the past 3 years has used during their career.
I want to know
When it is good to make a music video in a bowling alley and when it isn't. Justin Bieber's hit video "Baby" was filmed in a bowling alley and has been viewed over 425,000,000 times. On the other hand, Jojo (god bless her soul) shot her video "Let it Rain" in a bowling alley as well and her video has received just over 1,000,000 views. This makes Bieber's video 425% more effective. How did Bieber's producer know he would have a 425% more successful video than Jojo? Grantid, when both of these videos were shot they both weren't old enough to get into the club, which always makes a solid video. However, because both of these videos were shot in a bowling alley proves that a cigarette smelling, average birthday party pizza, greesy (am I missing any other adjectives?) is the local hot spot for underage kids. Who knew? See this is the stuff 2011 needs to teach me!
Possible reasons why the difference in views between the 2 videos:
1.) No Ludacris in "Let in Rain"-he can only be involved in one H2O song anyway (Splash Waterfalls)
2.) There are less 15 year old girls and 68 year old men searching for Jojo videos then there are searching for Justin Bieber's.
3.) Except for Canada, only a select few know Jojo's real name, thus allowing for a more wide search when searching "jojo" on youtube.
2.) The images at 30 seconds in and 36 seconds in "Let it Rain"
The Hit...
The Miss...
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