Welcome back friends to another post where the tedcullinane.blogspot staff and I try to satisfy the site's founding ideals of writing at least 2 blog posts a month. However, this post I feel is long overdue...
If you haven't noticed the pictures of baseball players on Facebook defaults that you:
a.) haven't heard before
b.) had their baseball card of as a kid
c.)wait the Blue Jays picked up Jay Payton?
You know that this week is "Average Baseball Player Week." Only the devote and proud can honor this week by either posting their "idea" of what baseball player is truly average either as their default or changing their name to their favorite average slugger.
However, I do realize that this blog is user friendly, and I tend to attract a diverse population, so it would be wrong for the staff to strictly focus on the average baseball player. So instead, I'll spit nonsense for the next 2 and a half minutes about what is average "holistically" in your life.
Average is a great term. Most people immediately think of a "C" on your report card as average, and if your creativity has only limited you to that, leave the blog. Open your mind up and see the average around you. Here are a few easy ones:
...for all my East Greenwich readers, the 1st level science wing is extremely average. Sure you like Mr. Wren, but when you think of favorite classes you don't think of freshman/sophomore year bio, and once again if you do, leave the blog. But that entire science wing is average, it's location especially. It's there but you might pass through there twice a day. To maybe go to the gym, or maybe even a fire drill.
...for all my Holy Cross readers, Clark residence hall. You know Clark exists, but so what if it didn't? It's the second farthest sophomore dorm from everything (Mulledy is 1), and its name is about as cool as a Apple Nutri-Grain bar. All the other names of the buildings are cooler because they look different than they are pronounced (Mulledy, Lehy, Beaven). Clark is just there. Nothing more, nothing less, and that's what makes it average.
...however I do realize that my blog has spread like leaking pudding to either regional or national audiences (lets keep our fingers crossed for going international). So finally, here are my last few universal observations of what is average.
Thin-tipped Sharpies: They always created a hassle because unless you were autographing baseballs, it took forever to get a job done with them.
Strawberry Pop-Tarts: Not the ones without the frosting...those are amazing toasted. I'm talking about the original white frosted pop-tart with weird confetti/sprinkles on top. Yeah, you'd eat them if you were out of cereal, but Oreos take obvious precedent over them as a snack.
Anything the All-American Rejects sings: pretty self explanatory
Jimmy Carter: If a president could be average, Jimmy Carter would fit the mold. If Grover Cleveland didn't serve two terms, he would be here too. So Grover, thank the electoral vote big guy.
Playstation: No this isn't a Xbox 360 vs. PS3 "debate," I'm talking about the original Playstation. If you had one of these as a kid, there is an 87% chance you have a better up-grade of a system now. Sure the Playstation was cool, but you haven't picked it up since you got your PS3.
Thursdays in the summer: (jeez I'm really stretching this post) but it's Thursday in summer, it's not the weekend, you can't really go out but could if you wanted to. However, you treat this day like you would Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday in the summer-wake up at 11, watch SportsCenter twice, check Facebook, think about eating something for breakfast/lunch, realize you have no food in your house, and repeat.
Nickels: Besides buying MacDonalds with exact change, when do these ever play a relevant role in your life. I would include pennies here, but if you read my last blog post, you would know that they are one of the last 4 things out in life.
Alright, well that's it. If you made it through this mess I applaud you. You're devoted and know true art when you see it. So I'll leave you all with this...
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Saturday, March 12, 2011
2nd Annual Ted Cullinane Life Tournament
I'm back like a scratcher with my 2nd annuual "Last 4 in, Last 4 out" blog post. For those that have been reading the blog for over a year now, you might remember my "Waving the Bubble Wand" post.
I'll update the new followers who didn't follow the Mecca of blogs on the internet last year. Every year around this time, ESPN pays Joe Lunardi hundreds of thousands of dollars to assess which teams belong in the 68 team NCAA college basketball tournament. He judges which teams are "on the bubble" or may or may not have a shot of getting an invite to "the big dance."
However, at the tedcullinane.blogspot.com office, "the staff" likes to bring diverse content that all readers can relate to. So this post will focus on the "bubble" aspects of life that are the 4 things you need and then the last 4 things you don't need. Welcome ladies, gentleman, and Jason LaRue to the 2nd Annual Ted Cullinane Life Tournament.
Last 4 in:
Outkast Songs: Say what you want about Andre 3000: his bow ties, his outfit in the "Hey Ya" video, his hair styles that seem to change as much as Timo Cruz's decision to play for the Richmond Oilers in Coach Carter, but this guy is an entertainer and a party starter. Tell me, actually write it in the comments section because it's been almost a year and a half now and I think I've tallied 6 total comments for all of my posts, just a little give and take folks. But tell me a time when you weren't pumped that "Hey Ya" or "Roses" came on and you didn't get pumped/turn it off. I realize that they have a few bad losses (i.e this) but their strength of schedule (aka middle school dances, early homecomings, barmitzfahs, and random times when it comes on your ipod) outweigh their bad losses.
Non-Smart Phones: I don't care if Kyle Singler uses Twitter on non-smart phones, so do I. But non-smart phones will always have a place in my heart. Who can forget the kids that played Tetris or Ms. Pacman in class...where art thou Morgan Michaels? But these games were the first phone games we played. non-smart phones taught us how to play brick breaker on your "Crackberry," and yes Angry Birds is fun to play on your iPhone, but let us never forget the LG phone that will always have a special spot in our hearts. Despite the non-smart phone's Kyle Singler bad loss, the good wins like Ms. Pacman and Tetris get them a spot in the tourney.
Burnett's Vodka: Shoutout to all my EG readers...but 'nets is a special brand of vodka whose bad losses we all can vividly remember, or for some forget, outweigh it's quality win of a cheap price and definitely gets it a spot in the Last 4 in in the Life Tournament ('Nets has possible '06 George Mason-like run in them this year). Another quality win for Burnett's is the plethora of flavors. 'Nets seems to come out with flavors as frequently as Vitamin Water (yikes I just compared Burnetts to Vitamin Water). But seriously though, one of the cooler things, for me at least, is when you see a Burnett's bottle and you're like "Wow, who knew that their was a [insert any Blow-Pop flavor] Burnett's brand!" For those that may not relate to Burnett's just think of a cheap vodka in your area that was popular in high school.
Snuggies: This one hurts for me to put into the Last 4 in. The feeling is similar to the SportsCenter anchors opening up their invitation to "Linda Cohn's Christmas Party," they think, "AH, I hate Linda Cohn, but Scott Van Pelt and Neil Everett will be there and they do an awesome job of making fun of Tim Kurkjian's height throughout the night." Snuggies' bad loss is its commercials. No one that hot ever wears Snuggies. However, currently I'm wearing one as I write this post, so IDK what that previous statement says about how I think I look, but these things aren't that bad. They're provide a service of warmth in a cold basement and wearing it makes me look like a wizard.
Last 4 Out:
Pennies: You've had a long and solid run. The copper looks good on you and has been a quality non-conference road win for quite some time now. Similarly the Abe Lincoln facade is another good look and getting rid of Honest Abe was very tough to do, which is why you are on the top of the list for the Last 4 Out. However, you're worthless. Like honestly, I'd rather have a weird European soccer coach that got exported to teach 10 year olds how to play soccer in my pocket instead of a penny, and I wouldn't care if he didn't fit.
Arby's: I don't care if you're new commercial is phenomenal.
That "good win" is like beating Michigan State when they were ranked 17th. It's just not a strong enough resume builder. Personally, I'm tentative whenever I get roast beef not at the super market. I'm extra tentative when a place called "Arby's" is trying to persuade me to taste their beef.
Over Enthusiastic Basketball Bench Players: This is another tough one for me to put in the Last for Out because the "walk-on athlete" will always have a spot in my heart, and forever be a quality win greater than or equal to beating the number one team at home on senior day. However,the bad loss here is your enthusiasm doesn't get you a spot on the floor. For instance Bill Self isn't going to put you into the game because you sprinted to center court to give a jumping "hip-bump" to Marcus Morris, when he nonchalantly gives you a weak high 5 acknowledging your presence. Do yourself and the "squad" a favor and stop barking orders to your boy from the bench and sit down and stick to linking arms with the rest of your teammates as the clock runs down.
Pulp: Idk why orange juice pulp still exists and I don't know why it was ever on the "bubble" for tentative things to get into the Life Tournament, but its run has ended. Its inability to win on the road, or other non-NCAA basketball terms, its inability to give me any sort of enjoyment makes it on the Last 4 out. I mean I guess it's healthy for you, like cool you beat Texas on the road, but when I drink OJ with pulp it feels like I'm gargling tuna fish. Anyone who likes pulp definitely is mentally over the age of 54. I emphasize "mentally" over the age of 54 because you could be 19 years old but you have the personality of a 54 year old if you thoroughly enjoy orange juice with pulp.
So that's it for my 2nd Annual Life Tournament. I provided a little more literature in this post than my last one. Enjoy the NCAA tournament and enjoy this video...
I'll update the new followers who didn't follow the Mecca of blogs on the internet last year. Every year around this time, ESPN pays Joe Lunardi hundreds of thousands of dollars to assess which teams belong in the 68 team NCAA college basketball tournament. He judges which teams are "on the bubble" or may or may not have a shot of getting an invite to "the big dance."
However, at the tedcullinane.blogspot.com office, "the staff" likes to bring diverse content that all readers can relate to. So this post will focus on the "bubble" aspects of life that are the 4 things you need and then the last 4 things you don't need. Welcome ladies, gentleman, and Jason LaRue to the 2nd Annual Ted Cullinane Life Tournament.
Last 4 in:
Outkast Songs: Say what you want about Andre 3000: his bow ties, his outfit in the "Hey Ya" video, his hair styles that seem to change as much as Timo Cruz's decision to play for the Richmond Oilers in Coach Carter, but this guy is an entertainer and a party starter. Tell me, actually write it in the comments section because it's been almost a year and a half now and I think I've tallied 6 total comments for all of my posts, just a little give and take folks. But tell me a time when you weren't pumped that "Hey Ya" or "Roses" came on and you didn't get pumped/turn it off. I realize that they have a few bad losses (i.e this) but their strength of schedule (aka middle school dances, early homecomings, barmitzfahs, and random times when it comes on your ipod) outweigh their bad losses.
Non-Smart Phones: I don't care if Kyle Singler uses Twitter on non-smart phones, so do I. But non-smart phones will always have a place in my heart. Who can forget the kids that played Tetris or Ms. Pacman in class...where art thou Morgan Michaels? But these games were the first phone games we played. non-smart phones taught us how to play brick breaker on your "Crackberry," and yes Angry Birds is fun to play on your iPhone, but let us never forget the LG phone that will always have a special spot in our hearts. Despite the non-smart phone's Kyle Singler bad loss, the good wins like Ms. Pacman and Tetris get them a spot in the tourney.
Burnett's Vodka: Shoutout to all my EG readers...but 'nets is a special brand of vodka whose bad losses we all can vividly remember, or for some forget, outweigh it's quality win of a cheap price and definitely gets it a spot in the Last 4 in in the Life Tournament ('Nets has possible '06 George Mason-like run in them this year). Another quality win for Burnett's is the plethora of flavors. 'Nets seems to come out with flavors as frequently as Vitamin Water (yikes I just compared Burnetts to Vitamin Water). But seriously though, one of the cooler things, for me at least, is when you see a Burnett's bottle and you're like "Wow, who knew that their was a [insert any Blow-Pop flavor] Burnett's brand!" For those that may not relate to Burnett's just think of a cheap vodka in your area that was popular in high school.
Snuggies: This one hurts for me to put into the Last 4 in. The feeling is similar to the SportsCenter anchors opening up their invitation to "Linda Cohn's Christmas Party," they think, "AH, I hate Linda Cohn, but Scott Van Pelt and Neil Everett will be there and they do an awesome job of making fun of Tim Kurkjian's height throughout the night." Snuggies' bad loss is its commercials. No one that hot ever wears Snuggies. However, currently I'm wearing one as I write this post, so IDK what that previous statement says about how I think I look, but these things aren't that bad. They're provide a service of warmth in a cold basement and wearing it makes me look like a wizard.
Last 4 Out:
Pennies: You've had a long and solid run. The copper looks good on you and has been a quality non-conference road win for quite some time now. Similarly the Abe Lincoln facade is another good look and getting rid of Honest Abe was very tough to do, which is why you are on the top of the list for the Last 4 Out. However, you're worthless. Like honestly, I'd rather have a weird European soccer coach that got exported to teach 10 year olds how to play soccer in my pocket instead of a penny, and I wouldn't care if he didn't fit.
Arby's: I don't care if you're new commercial is phenomenal.
That "good win" is like beating Michigan State when they were ranked 17th. It's just not a strong enough resume builder. Personally, I'm tentative whenever I get roast beef not at the super market. I'm extra tentative when a place called "Arby's" is trying to persuade me to taste their beef.
Over Enthusiastic Basketball Bench Players: This is another tough one for me to put in the Last for Out because the "walk-on athlete" will always have a spot in my heart, and forever be a quality win greater than or equal to beating the number one team at home on senior day. However,the bad loss here is your enthusiasm doesn't get you a spot on the floor. For instance Bill Self isn't going to put you into the game because you sprinted to center court to give a jumping "hip-bump" to Marcus Morris, when he nonchalantly gives you a weak high 5 acknowledging your presence. Do yourself and the "squad" a favor and stop barking orders to your boy from the bench and sit down and stick to linking arms with the rest of your teammates as the clock runs down.
Pulp: Idk why orange juice pulp still exists and I don't know why it was ever on the "bubble" for tentative things to get into the Life Tournament, but its run has ended. Its inability to win on the road, or other non-NCAA basketball terms, its inability to give me any sort of enjoyment makes it on the Last 4 out. I mean I guess it's healthy for you, like cool you beat Texas on the road, but when I drink OJ with pulp it feels like I'm gargling tuna fish. Anyone who likes pulp definitely is mentally over the age of 54. I emphasize "mentally" over the age of 54 because you could be 19 years old but you have the personality of a 54 year old if you thoroughly enjoy orange juice with pulp.
So that's it for my 2nd Annual Life Tournament. I provided a little more literature in this post than my last one. Enjoy the NCAA tournament and enjoy this video...
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